#it's not like it's a charity that the goal is legitimately how much it needs and doesn't need any more money. it's period products.

[unityrain24]

moral ocd is crazy. why tf do i feel guilty donating to charity just because it's met its goal when there are other charities that haven't

[pyrrhiccomedy]

What sort of proof would you need to believe that a fundraiser was real?

I actually put in the legwork to verify one of these fundraisers today (I wanted to see how hard it was to actually vet one of these posts). It took about an hour, but I was satisfied by the end of it that the person in question exists, is who they are claiming to be, has a GoFundMe, and that the GoFundMe being spread around is probably the same one being linked to (I wasn't 100% satisfied by what I could find on that count? but I ended up in a place where I was reasonably confident). I'm happy to share my work, and have added it below.

I've gotten a lot of nasty messages since making that post accusing me of being anti-Palestine. My heart and money is 100% with Palestine, and I've given as much as I can afford, to reputable aid organizations. I believe both in a free Palestine, and doing your own research on the recipients of your money when you decide to financially contribute to a cause.

Anyway, this is the GoFundMe that I think is legit, and below is the legwork I did to reach that conclusion. While I still think it is better to give to a relief organization if your goal is improving the lot of the people in Gaza, I don't think this one is a scam.

This is the fundraiser for Eman Zaqout, who - first of all - is a real person! This is very easy to verify: Googling her name returns a LinkedIn with a complete work history (she is a molecular biologist), her profile with Unesco, and her profile with the Palestine Academy for Science & Technology. You know, the kind of stuff you'd expect to see when you Google someone. Great start.

Next step: Is the person running this GoFundMe the real Dr. Zaqout? (While I have some sources which say she is in a PhD fellowship and does not yet have her doctorate, she is listed as Dr. Zaqout at the Palestine Academy for Science & Technology, and I'd prefer to use the honorific in case it may in fact be more appropriate.)

So. Dr. Zaqout joined LinkedIn in 2014. And she does link to her Instagram from her LinkedIn, and her Instagram links to the GoFundMe. That's a great start!

However, it's worth mentioning that her contact information on LinkedIn was updated less than 3 months ago (which includes the link to her Instagram). Given the number of Palestinians whose accounts have been hacked or spoofed by scammers in order to lend their scams legitimacy, I don't love that change. That coincides with the surge in scam activity following the All Eyes on Rafah movement gaining momentum. Plenty of Palestinians have had their entire social media presences stolen by scammers.

However again - her LinkedIn (which, as established, may be compromised) also links to a TikTok account! And the TikTok account has video! And that sure looks to me like Dr. Zaqout in the video! While the photo of her on LinkedIn is no longer trustworthy since we know her account has been updated in the past 3 months, there is also a photo of her here at Palast.ps, which is a legitimate scientific organization. And yeah, sure, a dedicated scammer could have hacked that too, but there are also photos of her on LinkedIn that look like this:

It's not the best photo in the world, but it's identifiably her. Fabricating this kind of ephemera is more than I would expect of your typical charity scammer.

And in the most recent TikTok video of her, she's even talking about a GoFundMe, on 7/17! And she posted another video on 7/21 in which she is not seen, but you can hear her voice, and it does sound like her.

Today is August 2nd. The last two videos uploaded to Dr. Zaqout's TikTok are just photo collages, so they can't be used to verify that she still has control of her social media accounts. But for now, I'm prepared to say with some confidence that that woman is Dr. Eman Zaqout, that Dr. Zaqout is legitimately a Palestinian scientist, she did actually start a GoFundMe, and that she was posting about it as recently as 12 days ago.

All right all right, we are cooking folks. The last questions we need to answer: is this actually Dr. Zaqout's GoFundMe? The last scenario we need to rule out is that her social media presence was stolen in the last 12 days.

Let's start with that GoFundMe.

First of all, it's not being run by Dr. Zaqout. That's normal: GoFundMe isn't supported in Palestine, and all Palestinians will have to rely on friends or family abroad to set up their campaigns and collect donations on their behalf. This campaign is being run by a Mazin Fakak. I think that's supposed to be this Mazin Fakak, which makes sense; he is based in Quebec, and Dr. Zaqout either studied at or is in close affiliation with McGill University, which is in Quebec. He also lists Arabic as one of his spoken languages. So far this is a plausible connection for Dr. Zaqout to have. His LinkedIn profile also hasn't been updated in over a year, which makes me disinclined to think this is a recently-stolen scam account.

My one issue here is that when I Google Fakak, this is all that comes up. A LinkedIn profile created in 2014 that hasn't been touched in over a year, and two GoFundMe fundraisers for Palestinian families. And Dr. Zaqout never mentions Fakak anywhere. I would feel 100% confident of this fundraiser if she did.

But while my investigation into Fakak didn't turn up anything that confirms the connection to Zaqout, it also does nothing to disprove it, and the circumstantial evidence available to me lends credibility to the claim. So while I land somewhere around 80% on the verifiable credibility of this GoFundMe, please balance that against my 95%+ confidence in Zaqout's legitimacy, and the fact that she appears to still have control of her socials as of 12 days ago. If she posts on TikTok with another live video again (and not a photo slideshow, which can't be considered verification of anything), then I'd say this one is completely safe.

[la-principessa-nuova]

About Me

Name: Sabrina

Pronouns: she/her

Age: 28 ± 1

Gender: woman

HRT: E/Spiro since 2024-05-28

Neurotype: AuDHD girlie

Romantic Orientation: Lesbian

Sexual Orientation: Lesbian

Geographic Orientation: 35° NE

Relationship Status: Cursing the Distance

Top Fandoms: Dropout (esp. Dimension 20) and Doctor Who

Creative Medium: All of them but badly

Occupation: Software Engineer

Call Me: Hot, not pretty. JK, call me both, and beautiful too. 😘

❤️🧡🤍🩷💜 🩷❤️🧡💛💙💚💜 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

Mutuals, feel free to DM me or submit asks about whatever. I guess everyone else can too, but no bigotry of any kind, and don’t be creepy.

Due to the constant ask spam, I assume any ask/DM/tag asking to donate or share a fundraiser is a scam and block you. See my additional notes below the fold for more details on that.

I have a loose system of tagging that I mostly stick to, and you can find a list of links to tags here.

Additional Notes

To clarify what I said about donations, I promise you that I really do want to help, but there are a couple reasons that I am unable to engage with this kind of stuff, largely due to my disabilities:

Based on past experience, I am not very good at distinguishing between real campaigns and scams without extensive research, which absolutely will take me hours if not days. While I appreciate blogs that ver campaigns that just shifts it from verifying the user asking me to verifying hoth’s blog who verified them and that they really were verified.

I am hypersensitive, and I get multiple spam asks every day with extremely sad stories asking for donations, most of which are probably scams, and I often come on here to cheer me up when I’m starting to feel hopeless, which has been a lot lately. When I started getting these I became noticeably more sad and hopeless and I had to make a rule for myself that I block them without reading it the second I detect that it’s a request for donations. I literally look up and go through the motions of blocking in my peripheral vision the same way my dog looks up to avoid instinctively eating the treat when I tell her “leave it”.

When I donate through an established charity, my employer matches 100% of my donation (up to a limit that I haven’t been able to afford to hit since back when I still lived with my parents), which makes a big difference in the amount of good I can do with the money I donate.

But I do sincerely apologize to anyone who legitimately needs help that I mistake for a scammer and block. I do also have filters set up to hide posts asking for donations, but I do bypass the filters and view them when I’m feeling up to it (I actually do that with a lot of sensitive topics and I highly recommend using filters this way).

On a brighter note, I do have a few side blogs. I'm not secretive about them (and often accidentally post to or reply from the wrong one), but I won't link them from here. You've got to put in the work to find them.

I have a few side blogs that I don’t actively hide but also don’t link to. Mostly gimmick blogs and some RP blogs of characters I find it funny to reply as. A couple are more of like me with a different set of filters, but also kinda sorta playing a character? idk it’s hard to explain.

You might occasionally see me mention something offhand about calorie counting or losing weight. I have a medical condition that the only cure for it is losing weight and getting certain nutrients that help with it, so I have no choice but to do that stuff or it will get worse and become life-threatening. I try not to mention it a lot to not normalize diet culture, but it’s not a secret or anything.

But I promise that I have a really healthy mindset around it and mainly the calorie counting is to force me to think about what and how much I’m eating. My goals are really loose and moderate and even then i break them all the time whenever it gets in the way of living life too much.

Also if you feel compelled to give me money, you can do that on Ko-fi here.

TERFs and other transphobes, go fuck yourself.

[iteratedextras]

[ right-wing anon ]

[...] But they're not based, they're just evil; they aren't enacting a considered plan to conquer an enemy civilization and advance their own culture's values, they're just flailing around lacking both moral scruples and impulse control. God, I wish we had noble barbarians at the gate instead of these low-IQ lowlives.

"At least Genghis Khan actually knew what the fuck he was doing," writes far-right anon.

Occasionally we get people arguing that the people of Britain or France or what-have-you deserve to suffer through terrorist attacks "as repayment for colonialism." Usually this is phrased as a negation - someone will assert that France has a right to enforce its borders after a terrorist attack, and then someone will say, "How dare you say that after the evils of colonialism the French perpetrated. 😠"

Okay, so you've touched on what's actually an important point here, which is that the revenge model of immigration is just...

It doesn't fucking work.

I suspect what bothers people about colonialism over the longer term is not actually the deaths, but a feeling of humiliation. I suspect that there's this feeling of a loss of dignity and respect, a feeling of a loss of control, of not measuring up, and a kind of resentment or envy...

And, well... the leadership of a developed country allowing harms to come to the powerless members of their own country, either less severe such as increased competition for wages (which may be temporary) and a changing cultural environment, or much more severe...

If you're allowed to commit random crimes, people might fear you, but it's not really the same thing as being worthy of respect, is it?

Like if five men all get together to beat up on a teenage girl, that's not really impressive to anyone, is it? There's a temporary thrill of power, perhaps, but could someone who does that really gain more respect for himself from that act? Does it involve overcoming a challenge in a way that shows that he's actually capable?

In Rotherham, the police apparently actively prevented fathers from intervening. Thus someone involved in such acts was allowed to commit a crime, and a rather depraved one at that... as some sort of twisted act of charity.

"Sure, I may have achieved complete domination of the Earth, but I'll allow you to torture my neighbor's cat (that I don't even like)."

If you torture the cat, are you actually going to become a better person, or in the long-run, is it even more humiliating?

So the revenge model of immigration is absolute garbage. Torturing random rednecks will never in a thousand years make descendants of victims of colonialism more worthy of respect, and on some level, they must know this.

Any immigrant with a scrap of self-worth would spit on the idea as disgusting and humiliating. Presented with the opportunity to do something degrading by your former oppressor or master or his descendant, like torturing his neighbor's cat, you retain your dignity and show your superiority by refusing to do so.

So the whole revenge model of immigration needs to be melted down for scrap.

If the goal is to "heal the wounds of colonialism," then the approach needs to be finding ways to improve the strength and independence of "victims of colonialism," so that they are able to feel pride based on legitimate accomplishments.

Even with just a minute of thought, global commerce, international trade, and foreign direct investment are all better choices. If you work at a garment factory owned by foreigners making socks every day, sure the factory may be foreign-owned, but at least you can say that it's honest work, and it's likely that the native-owned capital front will expand over time.

[alya-smith]

5 Essential Tips for Launching a Successful Meme Coin Project

In the fast-paced world of cryptocurrency, meme coins have carved out a unique niche. Often inspired by internet culture, memes, or trending concepts, these coins can experience massive popularity and rapid growth when managed well. If you're looking to launch a successful meme coin project, you'll need more than a catchy name and an engaging logo. Here are five essential tips to ensure your meme coin stands out and attracts a loyal community.

1. Identify a Clear Theme and Brand

A strong, relatable theme is the foundation of any successful meme coin. Your theme should resonate with your target audience and be easy to market. Dogecoin, for example, was inspired by the "Doge" meme and created a sense of fun and humor around cryptocurrency. Similarly, your meme coin should have a clear identity and purpose.

Consider the following when developing your brand:

Name and Logo: Choose a catchy, memorable name and design a unique logo that reflects your theme.

Messaging: Keep your messaging fun, lighthearted, and engaging, appealing to meme culture enthusiasts.

Audience Appeal: Think about the type of people who might be interested in your coin and tailor your branding to appeal to them.

2. Build a Strong Community

Community support is essential in the meme coin ecosystem. Unlike traditional cryptocurrencies, meme coins often gain popularity through social media and community-driven engagement. Focus on creating a loyal community that feels connected to your coin.

Steps to build a community:

Engage on Social Media: Platforms like Twitter, Reddit, and Discord are popular among crypto enthusiasts. Regularly update your followers with news, contests, and giveaways.

Create a Memorable Persona: Make your coin’s brand relatable. Whether it’s through humor, charity contributions, or unique storytelling, a persona helps attract loyal followers.

Transparency: Be transparent about your goals and updates. Community trust is critical, so let your audience know about progress and potential setbacks.

3. Develop a Robust Tokenomics Model

Tokenomics – the economic structure behind your token – is one of the most important factors in sustaining its value and appeal. Many meme coins include innovative tokenomics, such as transaction fees that reward holders or contribute to a charitable cause.

Considerations for tokenomics:

Supply and Distribution: Decide how many coins will be created, and how they will be distributed. Will there be a fixed supply, or will more tokens be minted over time?

Incentives for Holding: Some meme coins reward holders with transaction fees, which adds to their investment over time. Decide whether you’ll offer similar incentives to encourage holding rather than rapid selling.

Utility Beyond Memes: Providing a real-world use case or charitable component can make your meme coin more attractive to potential investors.

4. Focus on Security and Transparency

Security is critical for anything pertaining to the Cryptocurrencies. Make sure that your coin’s smart contracts are reviewed by a third-party so you can assure any buyer of your project that it is legitimate. Frauds and cyberattacks that have recently targeted this space increase investors ‘skepticism, thus, create conditions that will help to gain as much of the clients’ confidence as possible.

Steps to enhance security:

Smart Contract Audits: Hire a well-established company on your smart contract. As it extends the audit results to the public more investors shall be confident in the company.

Clear Roadmap and Whitepaper: Convey your work’s objectives, schedule, and the prospective development as a whitepaper. This will attract credible visitors and investors as well as create an expert outlook to the business.

Regular Updates: Update your community as often as is possible about the progress and about any changes. This, in turn, shows that only serious and committed persons are willing to be part of the projects.

5. Craft an Effective Marketing Strategy

Even with a strong community and brand, your meme coin needs to be marketed constantly to create awareness. The best meme coin base project requires constant popularization and work with social networks. To bootstrap your marketing plan, the first goal should be to build up interest and attract new investors to your project.

Marketing tips:

Leverage Influencers: You can use partnerships with famous crypto influencers to expand your audience. A vast number of these meme coins were primarily promoted through influencers and celebrities.

Hold Regular Events: Other features such as more contents, giveaways and charity often boosts traffic flow and followers.

Viral Content: Make jokes and images based on your coin, videos and similar content that can be shared on the internet. Entertainment and fun are very effective ways of drawing people’s attention to the products and services and getting more investors and followers.

Final Thoughts

It takes more than a great idea to create and launch a meme coin project that will be a success. They include issues of identity and clarity of brand, the strength of the community, sound token economics, security, and effective marketing. These five basic guidelines should be enough to give you a good start on developing a meme coin that will be both eye-catching and long-lasting in this constantly shifting environment of crypto.

[desmondsurujbali]

How to Get the Most out of Your Philanthropic Acts

Charitable giving is a type of prosocial spending where you spend money on other people rather than yourself. Studies have shown that money spent on other people through charity results in more happiness than that spent on gratifying oneself. Still, not all charity giving confers to the giver the same level of fulfillment. Here’s how to make the most out of your philanthropic efforts.

First, charitable giving refers to the resources you donate to a not-for-profit organization for the benefit of other people. People give to charity for many reasons. Some give to feel good about themselves, others to make an impact in their community.

If you want to give in ways that benefit you and boost your well-being, give to a cause you care about. It’s not enough to simply write a check to a charitable organization. There are numerous worthy causes out there, but evidence suggests that people who give to causes they care deeply about get the most out of it.

If you’re giving to a cause simply because you should be doing it, it may not provide the same level of fulfillment as contributing to a cause you chose yourself and which you find meaningful would. Sometimes it's a cause a friend or a loved one, not you, cares about. It can be a donation to your child’s school, or a cause your spouse or employer is passionate about. The goal is to donate to a cause you’re socially connected to.

There are many ways of making an impact. Some people choose to donate their time, some give cash donations. Whichever form of giving you choose, you’re more likely to feel good about yourself when you see your donations being put to good use than when you can’t see the impact of your gift. The key is to identify causes that you care about and which let you see the impact your generosity could have.

Before donating, explore the nonprofit organization’s results. Some groups publish enough information to enable prospective donors to make informed decisions. Some just post pictures and stories without much context or with few meaningful details or examples of their work.

Discretionary giving is not just about ensuring you only give to a cause you’re passionate about, or that allows you to see or feel the impact. It’s also about ensuring you give to a legitimate cause. That’s why you need to perform due diligence before committing your resources to any organization.

You may want to see what specific kind of problems a charitable organization is trying to solve, its approach, the people it works with, and the results of its efforts over the years. This is the kind of information that will help you make an informed decision and give you peace of mind, knowing that your donation will be put to good use.

Inquire also about a charitable organization’s expenses, their “cents to the cause’ percentage. It’s important to examine how much they collect versus how much they dispense. A good rule of thumb is that if an organization spends more than 30 cents of each dollar collected on overhead (fundraising and administration), it’s a sign of inefficiency. For context, World Vision and the American Red Cross spend 85 cents and 91 cents of every dollar they receive respectively on actual programs.

Charitable giving can confer the giver an immense sense of satisfaction. The benefits of charitable giving are not dictated by your income, nor are they linked to the amount you give. Whichever way a person gives - volunteering time, cash donations, food or item donations - contributing to a worthy cause can be deeply satisfying.

[nostalgebraist]

@disconcision replied to this post:

gotta ask at this point but are you steelmaning here for the sake of speculation or do you actually believe yud and the 'miri adjacent' believe in imminent ai x-risk in any way other than liminally as a vehicle for self-promotion? like not to be a total cynic but i don't know how to read (what i perceive to be) miri's strategy as a legitimate effort towards the stated goals

Oh, these days I'm convinced they're 100% sincere.

I do suspect there are people and groups in the broader "EA" space that are like this . . . especially the ones that are bigger and closer to the conventional charity ecosystem, where there are larger amounts of money slushing around.

But MIRI? It's just not that big, it doesn't get that much money, it's unabashedly weird in a manner that might have career penalties (but which true-believer employees don't care about), and its pitch to donors is the kind of thing you either believe or you don't, in binary fashion.

I have a hard time picturing the details of the timeline making much of a difference to donors. If you're the sort of person who says "eh, my AI timeline is shifted a few decades out from theirs, so I can wait a while before I start giving them money," you're not the sort of person who donates to MIRI to begin with.

That isn't the main thing that convinced me, though. The main thing is that the "MIRI-adjacent" crowd produces tons of esoteric, effort-intensive writing and debate that would be both strange and ineffective as PR, but looks perfectly natural if you read it as the result of genuine intellectual interest. (This is like half the content on LW dot com these days, now that it's merged w/ agent foundations.)

To pick an almost arbitrary example, here's a math-heavy post by an AI safety researcher not affiliated with MIRI, formalizing the content of a single Yudkowsky remark from the recent dialogues. I suppose there could be a cynical hypothesis on which such people are "marks" wrongly taking the core group at face value... but LW posts by the "core group" (eg actual MIRI researchers) look like this too.

----

I think the deal with MIRI is simply that it was . . . founded by Eliezer Yudkowsky. So, it approaches problems the way he does.

Yudkowsky has really pessimistic intuitions about AI safety. His writing on the topic is full of accusations that other researchers don't appreciate the sheer difficulty of the problem, that some idea X or Y would "obviously fail" in reality, that mere "ordinary paranoia" (his coined term) is insufficient, etc. IIRC there's some old post where he says something like, "my most basic mental gesture is 'no, that wouldn't work, try something else.'"

A lot of his conversations with other people, incl. the recent dialogues, have this talking-past-each-other quality, because it seems like he really wants to transmit this pessimistic intuition, rather than win the argument on any concrete point that's been raised. He feels the intuition more strongly than (most?) other people in the MIRI orbit, who in turn presumably feel it more strongly than anyone else.

Yet, despite believing that "AI safety seems intractable" with perhaps more felt passion than anyone else on earth, Yudkowsky chose to work on -- yes, AI safety. To "shut up and do the impossible," as he puts it.

I think this explains both MIRI's oddly low rate of output (relative to others in AI safety or just research groups in general), and the oddity of the output they do produce.

They're not sitting there twiddling their thumbs; they're considering every idea they can come up with and having the instinctive "no, that wouldn't work" reaction to each of them in turn. If you think you're fighting an unwinnable battle, being ordinarily "productive" is going to feel self-deceptive. The nature of the problem already renders most incremental work frivolous. You need to think of something so fundamentally outside the box, it has a chance of evading your intuition that nothing can possibly work.

Likewise, I think the stuff MIRI does produce is less "an approach they feel confident will work" and more like "the least intuitively repellant subset of things that 'obviously can't work' (i.e. everything)."

The best critique of this mindset IMO is that it defers too much to intuition and cuts off too many avenues of formal modeling before they can even get started. Math can surprise us, and things that "obviously can't work if you think about them for 5 seconds" may reveal unexpected facets after 5000 seconds, or 5 million. Sometimes you need to raise the temperature of the system to escape an equilibrium.

But I don't think "this is self-serving" is a reasonable read on this kind of writing (I mean the LW posts), produced in this volume, for a mostly self-selecting audience. If you just want to make a slush fund for yourself and your friends, there are easier ways!

[fatal-error-blog]

A Peaceful_Fundraiser has Occurred - An Effort to Fight Against Racial Injustice!

Hey everyone, this is going to be a long (but important) post. Given the title of this post, I’m sure you know what I’m about to mention. So before I get started I just want to say that it’s totally okay to not want to see this on your dash, coming from this blog specifically. While this is a really important issue that shouldn’t be shied away from, I do 1000% recognize that this blog has always been (very purposefully) kept as a fun and safe place for us all to enjoy a good story together. Heck, this blog is a safe place for me, too. I like knowing that I can come here and focus on content that makes me happy, and that makes you all happy, and just escape from how gross the world can be for a little while. But I also realize that I have the power to do some good, and I want to try to do some good, with your help, hopefully. I want you to know that it’s okay if you don’t want to see mention of what’s going on out there, here.

Any post I make on this blog that specifically references the racial injustice movement going on right now will be tagged with ‘FE BLM Fundraiser’. You are more than welcome to block that tag so you don’t have to see it here. It’s truly okay, I promise.

With that being said, let’s get into this!

I’ve never done anything like this before, so please bear with me! But like I said, I want to do some good with your help, hopefully. So I’ve made a charity fundraiser page where the proceeds will be going to the Black Lives Matter Global Network. If you’re not aware, there has been a lot of turbulence regarding racial injustice and police brutality going on all over the world, centered mostly in the United States. There are so many resources out there with information on what’s going on and different ways you can help (even without donating any money!) and I encourage you to do your research if it’s something you feel you need to be more enlightened on. I took a couple of days to think about how I wanted to help, and I thought that a fundraiser with awesome goals could be a really great thing! To be honest I’m not sure if we’ll reach many goals, but I think it’s worth a try, and no matter what, every little bit helps :) So here’s the deal:

A link to the donation page is here: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/fatal-error-blog

This fundraiser will run through the month of June, all the way up until midnight, June 30th EST!

Anyone who donates at least $15 will be able to receive a free commission from me!

Commissions will be a colored character bust (so like, from the top of their head to just below their shoulders) of a character of your choosing (not necessarily just Undertale themed, and can also include original characters or characters in different fandoms). This is a bit cheaper than my normal commission rate, so it’s a great opportunity to get some cool art if you’ve always wanted some!

If you want to claim your free commission, you need to: 1) Contact me via tumblr (@xedramon or @fatal-error-blog) or via email (xedramon@gmail.com) saying you’d like your commission

2) Send me a screenshot of your (at least) $15 donation

3) Tell me the name of the character you want, and a reference picture I can use

*** You MUST contact me to get your commission. Pretty sure I’m not able to see how much people donate so I will have no way to reach out to you, so you have to reach out to me first! Commissions will get done as quickly as possible, and will be sent via however you contacted me (so either tumblr or email)

FUNDRAISER GOALS!

So along with the commissions, there are community goals we can all reach together! I feel like some of the higher goals are a bit daunting to reach, but if we reach them, good for us! Each goal has a fun reward attached to it that I think is worth the goal we’re trying to reach. $50 - Everyone here gets to vote on an Undertale AU to be featured in an upcoming chapter of A Fatal_Error has Occurred! It can be anything, from an AU that hasn���t appeared yet, to one that already has, to one that you think would be hilarious or cool to see, whatever! Only stipulation is that the creator of that AU has to give me permission to include it. If this goal is reached, I’ll make a list of the AUs people want to see in order of what was voted for, just in case the 1st place winner doesn’t give me permission, I’ll check with 2nd place, and so on.

$100 - I’ll host a Game Night Livestream! We’ll pick a date, and play some stream-friendly games (like Jackbox Party Pack!) for several hours! Perhaps we’ll even do two nights so that people can choose which night works better for them :)

$175 - I’ll host a 12 Hour Art Livestream! What’ll happen is that the stream session will be broken down into different segments (so maybe for a couple hours we do a request stream, and then we switch to working on something else, etc). People will have the opportunity to vote on the date we do the stream.

$250 - Everyone here gets to vote on which side comic I work on next! This means I’ll give everyone a couple of choices to pick from with a brief idea of what each side comic would be about. Everyone votes, and I’ll start on the winning side comic immediately. This is a great opportunity to basically demand that you get to see what you’re most excited about sooner rather than later!

$500 - This goal guarantees that Chapter Five of A Fatal_Error has Occurred will be completed by the end of THIS YEAR. Which is some seriously insane pacing, but hey if we reach this goal, a promise is a promise!

$750 - I will create a (hopefully awesome) Fatal_Error animation! I have a couple of ideas in mind, and perhaps I’ll let you all vote on what idea you’d like to see come to life the most. I am the most nervous about this goal, haha!

$1000 - I’ll host a 24 Hour Art Livestream!!! That means exactly what it sounds like! We’ll pick a date, I’ll take the most intense nap the world has ever known before we start, and then we’re gonna stream for 24 hours straight. I’ll set up a schedule so we do different things every few hours to keep it interesting. It’ll be so rad!

$2000 - Everyone here gets to vote on an Undertale themed tattoo (an honest to goodness permanent one) that I will, 100%, absolutely get! How this will work is that everyone will be able to suggest what I should get, I’ll pick a handful of the most popular ideas (that I’m cool with having on my body for the rest of forever) and you all will get to vote on what I get! This would, of course, occur once tattoo shops are allowed to open back up and it’s safe for me to go get one. But I promise you, I’ll do it and it’s gonna be AWESOME.

$3000 - Last but certainly not least, if this goal is reached then I will resume working on Sondertale again, alongside working on A Fatal_Error has Occurred. What’s Sondertale? Well, it’s another UT AU comic I started on before I ever began Fatal_Error’s comic. I ended up setting it aside so that I could focus on Fatal’s comic instead, and over time there has been some...surprisingly popular demand/request that I return to working on it. Originally I was going to consider what to do with it after Fatal’s comic is done, but if this rather large goal is reached then I will pick right back up where we left off and commit to finishing the comic, in it’s originally intended comic format. It’ll be a LOT of work (which is why getting a legitimate permanent tattoo is an easier goal to reach than this) but if we work together to donate this much, then it’ll be absolutely worth it.

And that’s it for the goals! I think that the higher goals will be plenty hard to reach, but if somehow we surpass the highest goal then uhh...I guess we’ll talk about what kind of goals you all might like to see after that, haha.

This fundraiser will run through the rest of June - so if you would like to donate and help contribute to seeing some of these goals realized, please do!

I will reblog this post on the following days: June 7th, June 14th, June 21st, and June 28th as a reminder, and also to update everyone on how the fundraiser is going. As goals are hit, I’ll also mention them on the blog so we can all share in the excitement of what’s to come!

Thank you so, so, so much for your consideration, your help, and your support. Please stay safe, stay hopeful, and stay determined.

Link to fundraiser page: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/fatal-error-blog

[obsidian-aurora]

Why I feel so sad for Xiao Zhan for winning the Weibo King award again in 2021

Right now you might see a lot of people spreading the fact that Xiao Zhan won Weibo King again with joy and happiness.  I can only personally feel sadness and regret.  Because when I look back at the year 2020, and what Xiao Zhan went through, Weibo had a big part to play in that story.  They took advantage of his pain to make money and profit from it.  They did little to stop what was happening because to them it was traffic.

His fans who left the 85 million votes for him for Weibo King probably weren’t thinking about what Weibo means to Xiao Zhan.  They weren’t thinking about how Xiao Zhan disengaged from the platform completely, moving his small interactions over to Oasis and Douyin to escape the toxicity inherent in the conversations taking place on Weibo.  All that they were thinking was “We want to show him how much we love him!”

Well you know what I think is love?  Listening to your own idol’s words.

Let’s take a small journey back through 2020 and listen to Xiao Zhan’s own words on what he wanted his fans to do this year.

I won’t rehash 227 itself - if you want my take on that event, then I’ll write another blog post about that, it being almost a year I’m probably finally reaching a point where I can discuss it rationally without bursting into tears remembering my own personal experience with it.  But rather, let’s take a look at what happened after 227.

On March 1, Xiao Zhan studio issued their first official statement.  What did they say?

Recently, we have noticed some controversies about Xiao Zhan fans, occupying some social public resources, and also causing trouble to everyone. We deeply regret and apologize for the impact of this incident. We are very grateful to all fans for their support and love to Xiao Zhan. At the same time, we also sincerely call on all love to be positive, and hope that everyone can chase stars rationally. While doing a good job of self-protection during the epidemic, we will work together in a more positive way and support things that bring positive energy to society.

On April 24, Xiao Zhan said something and his studio reposted.

@X玖少年团肖战DAYTOY What’s past is past, I’ll remember it by heart.  Thank you for all the criticism with good intensions, I’m working hard to improve.   

Xiao Zhan Studio April 25th 00:03 #肖战新歌光点# The light spot moves towards love. Please listen, @X玖少年团小战DAYTOY 's voice. ♥

And again, Xiao Zhan studio.

Xiao Zhan Studio April 25th at 14:27 Thank you for your love and support for Mr. Xiao Zhan and his works. In this studio, as always, I solemnly appeal to everyone to continue to take care of their study, work and life at the same time, and to distinguish the truth and not blindly follow in the thousands of voices. Thank you for your wise support. Every love, no matter how big or small, is a meaningful point of light, gathered together to form the most beautiful light.

When He Jiong was attacked, Xiao Zhan jumped in to say:

@X玖少年团肖战DAYTOY Sorry to disturb everyone, don't hurt others!

Xiao Zhan Studio April 27, 15:04 Please stop slandering and spreading rumors!

He gave his first interview after 227 on May 6.  He expanded upon the statement he made on April 24 when he said he was working hard to improve. He spoke about the controversy, the responsibility he feels as a public figure, and his desire not to control his fans but to guide them to do positive works like participate in charity that improves society.  He felt like as an artist, his role was to continue to improve his acting and his singing.  

“As for the people who love and support me, I hope they won’t do some extreme things, or hurt other people, or even hurt themselves.  I hope that they can protect and love themselves, and live their lives well.  Live their lives well.”  “And if it’s possible, outside of school and work, we can do things together to help others and contribute to society in a meaningful way.”  “I think charity is a part of an ordinary person’s social responsibility.”

Again in May, following a controversy when a teacher recorded her classroom cheering him on, Xiao Zhan was forced to make statements encouraging his fans to live their lives well.

@X玖少年团肖战DAYTOY Please listen to me carefully again! I hope everyone puts their studies, work, and life in front of star chasing. Study hard and work hard. Do your responsibilities and obligations, and abide by professional standards and industry bottom lines. I don't need help.

Xiao Zhan Studio May 10 at 23:26 I hope everyone puts their work and life first 🙏

Xiao Zhan Studio May 11 at 21:14 Starting from us, we hope that each of us can do things that are beneficial to society and be positive.

A school is a temple of knowledge, a place for preaching and teaching, not a fan factory for celebrities. Children's education is related to the future of the country, and the development of youth values is related to the hope of the nation, and it must not become a tool for chasing stars.

Furthermore, over the course of this time period Xiao Zhan Studio met with the organizers of his official fan organization and they rebranded the Fanclub to Xiao Zhan Film and Television Support Club to emphasize their goal to focus on his works and his works only.  They released a statement with their intent and called on all members to do the following:

Xiao Zhan Studio May 15 20:01 If you see the good, you will move, and if you have, you will change. Start with me and work hard together. 1. Do not support business and works with behaviors beyond our own economic capacity. 2. No more activities such as ranking, controlling and appraising and cheering. 3. Accept all well-intentioned criticism and don't maliciously attack others. 4. Continue to actively participate in public welfare advocacy. 5. Focus on Xiao Zhan's work such as film and music.

Take particular note here of the specific call out not to participate in activities such as ranking (like the Weibo King votes).

In July, when his own fans were accused of cyber bullying others again, Xiao Zhan studio released a statement saying that they would defend any victim of cyber bullying, even someone bullied by his own fans.

Xiao Zhan Studio June 30 at 21:42 No matter who is responsible for his words and deeds, we support all those who are suffering from cyber violence or personal attacks on the Internet, and bravely take up legal weapons to protect themselves. Regardless of who’s a fan, taking legal measures is a legitimate behavior 

@易胜华律师 Recently, some netizens posted on Weibo that they had suffered online violence for publicly publishing criticisms against Mr. Xiao Zhan. Entrusted by Mr. Xiao Zhan, we issued the following lawyer's statement: We welcome all kind criticisms and reminders, and resolutely oppose and resist all cyber violence. No matter who the cyber violence is directed at, it is an illegal act and should bear corresponding legal responsibilities. We are willing to provide legal assistance to the above-mentioned parties who have been violated by online violence, and we are also willing to provide assistance within our capacity for their rights protection operations. Yi Shenghua Lawyer Wang Xiaoyan Lawyer June 30, 2020

In July, Xiao Zhan and Xiao Zhan Studio met up with representatives from Weibo to discuss the cyber bullying that he had been subjected to this year.  But was this at Weibo’s own desire to clean up their platform?  No.  This whole time Weibo was profiting from every hot search that drove more traffic to their platform.  It was the Cyberspace Administration of China that DIRECTED Weibo to clean up their mess.

Over the years we have seen Weibo ban accounts from time to time that are so blatant with their cyber attacks that they have no other choice.  But often they will wait until stars pursue legal action before doing so.  And they will only release the real-world IDs of users when under a police investigation pursuant to a lawsuit.  I’m not suggesting the platform should start doxxing its own users, but rather ban all malicious and slanderous behaviour from the outset.  Right now under Chinese law anyone with over 30,000 fans who says slander against another can be pursued by the law.  Weibo should act before it needs to come to that.

Chinese Star News did an interesting video on Fanquan culture and the ways in which Weibo profits from it.  If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s worth a watch.

Ever since the summer, Xiao Zhan has been very careful and direct in all his public interactions.  Most of his events were pre-recorded.  Only at the end of the year did he start doing live events again, and when he was surrounded by friends he was okay, but as we could see from the recent iQiyi event when he is without friends around him he still struggles.

April 12 - Hymn of the Red Plum Blossom (pre-recorded)

May 6 - Interview with China News Service (pre-recorded)

May 9 - Bamboo in the Stone (pre-recorded)

May 10 - Mother's Day live stream (live) (unannounced) (no fan interactions)

June 11 - Xiao Zhan goes to do agricultural charity activity (pre-recorded)

June 15 - Xiao Zhan releases summer cocktail video (pre-recorded)

Aug 17 - Xiao Zhan RoseOnly live stream (pre-recorded)

October 19 - Xiao Zhan at Shanghai Reading Film and Television event (pre-recorded)

October 25 - Xiao Zhan sang Brightest Star in the Night Skies (pre-recorded)

Dec 20 - Xiao Zhan attends Tencent Awards (live) with friends around him

Dec 31 - Xiao Zhan attends New Year party (live) with friends around him

Jan 15 2021 - Xiao Zhan attends iQiyi Scream Night (no friends) (does not look happy/comfortable)

It must have been SO hard for Xiao Zhan to continue to work behind the scenes in 2020, recording his new show Ace Troops, attending some events in secret, shooting some advertisements that he wasn’t sure would be able to make it to the air - and some events that got leaked and then had his portion cut out.  It must have been so, so hard.

So to me, the least that we can do as fans is to listen to what Xiao Zhan has asked of us.  And over and over again he said that all he wanted from his fans was for us to live our lives well.  To not do extreme things.  He wants things to go smoothly.  He wants to take his time, to choose his events carefully, and come back at his own pace.

So what do his fans do?  They massively vote for him to win the Weibo King award.  This has put him in an impossible position.  

Either he needs to decline the award, and face criticism from everyone about being arrogant in a year that he should be grateful.  Or he has to suck it up and show up to an award hosted by a platform that did little to nothing to help him when he was in pain, and instead in fact profited from his pain.  

He will have to put a smile on his face and say thank you for recognizing that I was a high traffic star last year, even when the majority of his traffic was due to cyber attacks.

Why would his fans put him in this impossible position?  Back when this award was first announced, his own major fan club leaders requested fans not to vote for Weibo King.  If you wanted to vote for anything, then you should vote for his acting role in The Wolf, because that was about his professional work - not for Weibo King, which is literally like an award for Prom King.  It’s a popularity award, nothing more.

Will Weibo King help him to come back faster?  No.  Will it make industry leaders want to sign him on for more TV and film works?  No.  Speaking from experience working in the industry for many years, the only thing that industry professionals care about is ratings on the shows that are produced.  And Xiao Zhan cannot rely on his fans alone for ratings.  If his ratings are going to continue to increase, then he needs to attract the respect of a wider audience.  And if that wider audience is already of the impression that Xiao Zhan is a loose canon because his fans are out of control, this massive over-rating of Weibo King only reinforces that belief.

Just look at this graph.

Xiao Zhan fans are posting it with pride, saying look how well we did!  Xiao Zhan trounced the competition!  But the reality is that all other stars’ fan groups had also instructed their fans not to vote for this award, because they all see it for what it is - a popularity contest that can hurt more than it can help.  Xiao Zhan winning by such a large margin only shows how little his fans listen to him.

Now instead of Xiao Zhan deciding for himself when and where to come back, what events he wishes to attend, he’s going to have to make an appearance at this awards show and slap a smile on his face and say thank you.  

Thank you Weibo, for profiting off my pain.

It makes me sick.

If you voted for Xiao Zhan in this award, take a moment to think about Xiao Zhan’s words for your future behaviour. 

Live your lives well

Don’t do extreme things

Don’t spread rumours

Accept criticism and don’t attack others

Don’t protect me

If you can, do charity and help others

If you are following your own idol’s wishes, then I salute you.  You are the type of fan Xiao Zhan will cherish.

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

Watterson Family Dynamics (how loving families can still be lowkey toxic just saying)

Felicity called Nicole out in the episode The Egg, and while she wasn't very nice about it (god I wanted to slap that woman), she did make an interesting point about Nicole's way of thinking when it comes to her kids.  "Look Nicole, I get it, you dropped out of college to marry your childhood sweetheart and life was fun until your first disappointment. So there you are working all hours to support your family while lover boy over there is busy growing chins, then another disappointment. Followed by a third that you still dream is better than the other's, I get it. You know you'll never succeed so you want your kid to succeed for you." As mean as what Felicity said was, as out of line as she was, and as much as I wanted to punch her in the face throughout the scene...she kinda nailed the situation.  Look at the way Nicole treats her kids. Anais seems like the undisputed favorite of the three (Not that she loves Anais more, by 'favorite' I just mean that she puts more effort and attention into Anais), and it's because she's smart. Anais is a certified genius with good grades, and Nicole wants her to succeed, not only for her sake but because Nicole herself always thought she'd go to college and achieve great things and she wants to live through her own daughter in a way because it would make all her struggling worth it. But this ends up putting too much pressure onto Anais, in my opinion. Whenever the kids get into trouble, Nicole's attitude towards the boys is typically "of course you guys would do something like this" wheras her attitude towards Anais is typically "I expected better" because Anais is held to a higher standard. This is harmful to all children involved, but since we're talking about Anais right now i'll focus on the impacts on her. She's expected to always excel and to never get into trouble and to be a reasonable rational person who handles things like any intelligent adult should. But the issue with that is the fact that she isn't an adult. She's four years old. Honestly I think the stress of having to always be the responsible one takes a toll on her. She doesn't have any friends because she hasn't been allowed to develop socially. She was moved forward multiple grades, most of her free time is spent reading or doing puzzles with her mom or something, and she's expected to always be smarter than everyone else. And one downside to this is that Anais takes this a bit too far. She treats other people like they're below her, often treating her brother's like idiots. But I don't even think this is her fault, really. She may be held to a higher standard than those around her but she's also given much more praise and she's just generally treated like she's better than the other's. I mean once Richard literally said to her "How does it feel to be better than everyone else? I say that because I genuinely think you are." and if everyone genuinely thinks she's amazing, well she's bound to feel the same way. And I don't even think it's just that she's got a big ego because people put too much praise on her. I also, genuinely believe that the reason she always has to remind people that she's the smart responsible superior one is because she's compensating. Anais may be a genius, but she's also a little kid who sleeps with a stuffed animal and wants to make friends like other kids do. She's not really allowed to just be a kid, though. At least she's not allowed to as much as other people around her- including her brother's- are. And I think one reason she's always reminding them and herself that she's superior is because she wants to convince everyone (but mostly herself) that it's worth it. She may be missing out on some things, but at least she's not like them. That's how she justifies things to herself. One thing about Felicity's rant, though, that made me pause, is her referring to Darwin as a disappointment. I always kinda put him up there with Anais. He's no genius, but he's social and polite and his parents seem proud enough of him too. But the thing is, good behavior isn't really a talent. Nicole can't live through him in his morality because her goals that she tries to live out through Anais always had to do with success and education and skill, which isn't Darwin's thing. Yet I couldn't help wonder about how he can both be the "adorable pride and joy of my life" according to Richard, and "a disappointment". And then I realized that they're not measuring Darwin on the same scale as Anais. Maybe before she was born Nicole would have latched on to one of the boys, but she's got her little prodigy and doesn't need to live through the boys. The best thing a child can be in that household is gifted, but the second best thing they could be is behaved. And Darwin has that down. Sure, he's no genius. But Darwin Watterson is a sweet, morally driven, innocent little kid who does what his parents say most of the time. And they love him for it. He's social, he's got relationships with those around him. He stays out of trouble so his family has no reason to resent him and he constantly throws affection at them which is, of course, appreciated given how big everyone's ego's are. I honestly think he's under quite a bit of pressure too, though. Weather because he doesn't want to be seen as a lost cause like his brother or because of his preexisting fear of abandonment (or both), Darwin seems almost obsessive over being a good person. Not like he's actually, legitimately just a kind sweet boy, but like he desperately wants to come across as one to other people. When you think about Darwin you think "oh, he would never hurt a fly", but really? The kid who kicked Rob into a pothole to avoid talking to him? The kid who kidnapped a woman to blackmail her son? The kid who knocked out school staff without hesitation? That kid? He doesn't have any issue hurting people or doing morally questionable things, but somehow whenever people think of him they still think 'sweet babie'. Why? That's because it's the front he puts on. I'm not saying Darwin is some sort of psychopath who's fooling the world or anything. In fact I think he genuinely believes he's a morally driven person. I think he genuinely cares about doing what's right too. However I can't help but notice that it seems a bit...calculated, the way he occasionally drops his sweet act to fuck someone up. Not even drops his act, really, just fucks someone up while still innocently smiling as if he's done nothing questionable whatsoever. And is it really...a coincidence that he does these things when it seems like it won't have any social repercussions for him and only when it seems like it won't have any social repercussions for him? And in such a way that he still manages to look like a complete saint after? I don't think so. I think he's boarderline obsessed with just..looking good. I mean think about some of the things he's done that were well intentioned.Like when Bobert confided in Gumball and Darwin that he was having trouble fitting in because people treated him like he was different, so they decided to be his friends. That episode was actually super interesting because it brought up the question on weather you should treat kids with mental limitations differently from anyone else and examined both sides. Gumball treated Bobert like he would anybody else and while he wasn't exactly treating Bobert the best (Bobert lost a bet against Gumball and the deal was 'whoever loses is the winners slave for the day' so Gumball was milking that), I feel like his attitude of "Well he asked not to be treated like he's special, and i'd do this to anyone else, because Bobert is just like anyone else?" was worlds better than Darwin saying "Yeah but he's special and we need to treat him like he is, he wants to feel included but that doesn't mean actually include him, it means hang out with him and treat him like he's made of glass because he's a little different than us" because it almost felt like Darwin was condescending Bobert throughout the episode. In fact, I think Gumball outright called him out for treating Bobert like a charity case instead of a friend because Darwin was basically hanging out with Bobert cause he felt bad for him and wanted to feel good for hanging out with a 'special kid' wheras Gumball was genuinely trying to hang out with Bobert because he's their classmate and friend, yknow? In another episode their other classmate, Sussie, is being bullied and Gumball is like "well let's go fight the bullies" but Darwin stopped him and was like "No, Sussie's making herself a target by being a weirdo, let's just have her change her entire personality and physical appearance :)". Darwin does the right thing to feel good about himself. Because he knows he's expected to be a precious little angel, but he doesn't pay much mind to people's actual feelings towards his actions, but rather the social repercussions of them and weather or not what he did is generally deemed 'good' or not.This obsession with looking good isn't just Darwin being a terrible person, though. It's likely because there's been so much value put into him being well behaved at home and his insecurities and abandonment issues caused the kid to grab on to what he knew would make people like him and he ran with it because he really really wanted people to like him, and I feel like the fact that his parents specifically value him being the sweet one really adds to his need to look perfect and moral.

 And then there's Gumball, also described as a "disappointment",and yeah, he doesn't really have any skills for their mother to grab on to, and he's....he's not as well behaved as his brother. Gumball's reckless and impulsive and he gets into trouble. And his parents have kinda decided that he's just a lost cause. In The Fridge when asked if he had any talents he grinned and said "I guess i'm just good at being happy" to which his mother snapped at him with "That's not good enough!". And it's not. His family still love him and all, but they don't see the value in fostering the talents he does have. He's just kinda known as "the dumb one" and "the loser" and "the lost cause". He's the disappointment, just like Felicity said, and it shines through in how he's treated. When Richard complimented the kids Anais was "better than everyone else" and Darwin was the "adorable pride and joy" whereas Richard said to Gumball "How does it feel to not have inherited your father's metabolism?" and that's not an insult, which is what Richard was going for, but it seems kinda lackluster compared to the other two? And that's because Gumball isn't seen to have any real...positive traits by his family. I could name a million great things about him, and i'm sure if you asked any one of his family members they'd say "oh yeah he's got good traits" but you know what? I bet they also couldn't name a single one. Anais thinks he's a moron, Darwin thinks he's a selfish asshole, his mom thinks he's a loser. The family insult each other all the time but what makes it different with Gumball is that normally they compliment each other just as much as they insult each other, but I can't remember Gumball ever getting a legitimate compliment. And no, thanking him for doing one specific thing right or telling him they love him isn't the same thing. I mean an adjective used to describe him positively like Anais is constantly called smart or Darwin is always called sweet or Nicole is always called a badass. I can hardly think of that sort of thing happening except maybe a few times from Darwin telling him he looked cool in a specific outfit or something. And I know i'm harping a lot on the fact that he doesn't get specific compliments and it doesn't seem like it matters because as said before he is told by his family a lot that they love him and he is often thanked for doing specific things good and isn't that enough? And the thing about the whole 'compliments' thing is that it shows the mindset of his family. They love him because of course he does, he's part of the family. They appreciate it when he does a good thing because of course they do. But no matter how much affection is present when they think about him, it doesn't change the fact that all he hears about himself is negative things. When his sister tells him he doesn't have any type of intelligence and tells him that he'll never make it to college and flat out calls him an idiot regularly and he's also hearing how dumb he is from school staff who 'knew it was a good idea to give up on Gumball early' and he's also hearing from his mom all the time how dumb he is compared to his sister and how his entire future probably relies on her and how she's 'the difference between you ending up in penn state or state penn' but nobody ever tells either of them that there are things he's good at that she isn't, or even that he's mildly capable of basic thought or having a future what the hell is he supposed to think besides that he's just dumb and doesn't have potential? When his brother's always telling him off for being selfish and insists he's a coward and a loser and a bad friend and his mother spends more time scolding him for everything than praising him for anything and has multiple times implies he's not only a loser but a disappointment too, what on earth is he supposed to think besides that he's a bad person who people don't want to be around? I mean why do ya'll think he's just completely given up on his school work? Why do you think he's afraid of trying to do anything because he thinks he'll fail (like when he wouldn't try out for a solo in the school band because he was sure he'd fail and couldn't handle that even though we know for a fact that he's very musically gifted)? It's not just who he is. He isn't just a lazy kid with no potential. He doesn't try because that's what people have convinced him he is, and his self esteem and any work ethic he may have had is suffering. He's suffering. It's a bad situation and no amount of love will make up for the huge blows to his self worth that come with being part of this family.

Do I think the family is awful? Do I think Nicole is a horrible mother? Do I think the kids should resent her? No. No, absolutely not. This family LOVES each other a fucking lot. But the dynamic is toxic nonetheless from my analysis of the situation and I think there needs to be some improvements made. They need to lower the pressure put on Anais, let her be a kid more often, and let her develop her social skills. They need to tackle Darwin's abandonment issues and let him know he'll still be wanted even if he isn't the picture of perfect moral standard at all time. They need to let Gumball know that he's actually worth something and that he's got good qualities and that he shouldn't give up on himself. But I don't know if that'll happen because Nicole is so invested in Anais accomplishing all she never could and Darwin being so well behaved makes life so much easier than any mischief he may get into if he weren't so afraid to so it's easy to just let his issues go and nobodies teaching Gumball not to give up on himself because most everyone in his life has given up on him ever being successful too.

[mediaevalmusereads]

True Pretenses. By Rose Lerner. Self-published (?), 2015.

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Lively St. Lemeston #2

Summary: Through wit and sheer force of will, Ash Cohen raised himself and his younger brother Rafe out of the London slums and made them (in his unbiased opinion) the best confidence men in England. Ash is heartbroken when Rafe decides he wants an honest life, but he vows to give his beloved brother what he wants. When Ash hears of a small-town heiress scrambling to get her hands on the dowry held in trust for when she marries, he plans one last desperate scheme: con her and his brother into falling in love. After all, Rafe deserves the best, and Ash can see at once that captivating, lonely Lydia Reeve is the best. Lydia doesn’t know why she instinctively trusts the humble stranger who talks his way through her front door and into her life. She just knows she’s disappointed when he tries to set her up with his brother. When a terrible family secret comes to light and Rafe disappears, Lydia takes a big risk: she asks Ash to marry her instead. Did Ash choose the perfect wife for his brother…or for himself?

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: graphic sexual content, references to anti-Semitism, prison and workhouse conditions, poverty

Overview: I think it’s safe to say that Lerner is becoming a favorite author of mine with respect to the romance genre. I was fairly surprised by how much I enjoyed Sweet Disorder, and while I didn’t like True Pretenses quite as much, I still think Lerner deserves credit for the way she handles social commentary in romance. True Pretenses is interesting in that regard for its focus on class issues, as well as for its inclusion of an explicitly Jewish hero. For me, these elements made the character interactions fascinating, and even though I personally found the overall plot a little dull, I think Lerner handled social issues deftly.

Writing: Lerner is very good at crafting prose that flows, building up ideas and conflicts without losing her reader in the process. I liked that topics such as classism and anti-Semitism were portrayed in ways that made them feel like parts of everyday life, so when characters talked about them, nothing felt overly academic or stilted.

Plot: Aside from the romance, the main plot of this book involves Ash and Lydia trying to convince the people around them that they’ve made a love match so as not to cause a scandal. There were parts of this plot I enjoyed; I liked that Ash was able to use his strengths as a swindler to achieve more positive goals, such as currying favor with the townsfolk. I liked that Lydia had to confront a lot of her personal biases and shortcomings in order to live a fulfilling life. And I liked that there was a lot of discussion about class and sibling relationships.

But personally, I would have liked the stakes to be a little higher. Sweet Disorder was a tad more captivating for me because it was set against a tight political race, an unplanned pregnancy, and family drama. While True Pretenses has some family drama, there wasn’t much else to put pressure on the main characters’ relationship. I would have liked to see them face some external challenge together, or perhaps having the plot with Jamie trying to find out more about Ash’s past be a little more prominent throughout the book. Something to keep the suspense going, as opposed to a long struggle with their personal feelings.

Characters: Lydia, our heroine, is a Tory heiress who finds herself without funds following the death of her father. I liked that she was open about her grief and struggled with the impact of her father’s legacy on her life, as well as the way her actions have mainly been in service to others. Her arc can basically be summarized as a woman finding out what she wants for herself, and I enjoyed seeing her grow into a person who wants to do charity not just for political reasons or because it’s expected, but because she wants to use her privilege for good. Her arc was also a nice exploration of how rich people don’t always know what’s right for poor people, and it was satisfying to watch Lydia confront her biases and assumptions throughout the book.

Ash, our hero, is the first explicitly Jewish character I’ve read in a romance novel. I liked that he was Jewish in more than just name - Lerner made Jewishness part of the way Ash navigates the world, and she does a good job balancing the real anti-Semitism of 19th century England with a more optimistic plot (by that I mean she doesn’t wallow in Ash’s misery or try to be edgy). I also liked that Ash’s motivations were understandable without his actions being wholly excused, and part of his arc involved Ash becoming comfortable with letting people in and being comfortable with honesty.

Rafe, Ash’s brother, is also an interesting character in that he’s completely devoted to Ash but wants an honest life. I loved the dynamics between the brothers, including how they disagreed with one another and reacted differently to the same situations, and I loved that Ash had to learn to let Rafe dictate his own life. Jamie, Lydia’s brother, is similarly complex in that he struggles with the expectations of his family legacy. Jamie and Lydia butt heads often, but it’s obvious they care deeply for one another, and I liked the way their sibling relationship paralleled the one between Ash and Rafe.

Other characters were fine, but didn’t serve much purpose other than to flesh out the world. I liked them for the most part, and I think Lerner does a good job of making True Pretenses feel like it takes place in the same town as Sweet Disorder. But other than that, I don’t have too much to say about them. They served their purpose.

Romance: While I really liked the way Ash and Lydia’s relationship allowed for Lerner to explore class dynamics, there was something about it that didn’t quite click for me. Maybe it’s because it felt like Lydia was too comfortable with Ash’s history as a swindler, or maybe I didn’t feel like they were legitimately falling in love with one another (because there was always the possibility that Ash was lying). Whatever the case, the relationship didn’t seem to build or evolve for me.

I also felt like most of the obstacles to the two being a couple came from internal conflict, rather than external. Personally, I don’t really like it when authors use internal conflict because it seems like all that needs to happen is a good sit-down-and-talk for problems to get resolved. It kind of felt like that was the case here; Ash didn’t want to get too attached to Lydia because he’d have to leave her, but he only wanted to leave her to protect her from scandal or something. It was all stuff that involved getting over one’s own hang-ups, and while that can be interesting from a psychological standpoint, I’d much rather see a couple overcome external obstacles together.

TL;DR: Despite me not being a fan of the overall plot and some elements of the romance, True Pretenses is skillfully written and deviates from the norm with an atypical hero and an honest look at class dynamics.

[crystalelemental]

So I finished Ephraim’s route in Sacred Stones for the first time since the game came out.

When I was young, I remember saying the same thing: I don’t like Ephraim’s route.  It just didn’t seem as strong as Eirika’s.  And I could never articulate why, to a degree where most of my friends would insist it was because I just played Eirika’s first so the complete deviation felt weird, even though Ephraim’s route was just as solid.  But I’m an adult now, and I like to think better at articulating opinions, so maybe now I’ll finally be able to express why I don’t like Ephraim’s route.

Part of it is Ephraim himself.  I don’t like Ephraim, I find him incredibly dull, and think he embodies every insult people want to throw at Micaiah.  Unbeatable in battle, unnaturally good at everything contrary to what’s told to us, the plot literally revolves entirely around him.  Ephraim’s just bland to me.  I think the best way to express this is to use a quote from someone who really likes him, courtesy of the only Fire Emblem fandom personality that I legitimately cannot stand.

Their take on Ephraim’s route is that: "Ephraim says he doesn’t pick fights he can’t win, but then he does pick a fight with Lyon.  Then the journey after that is his character arc, of accepting how to become a king.  He goes back to his kingdom a loser, and learns to accept that loss to become a better person.”

Problem: not a single word of that is true.  For one thing, Ephraim never lost a fight, because that would be a flaw.  Ephraim won every fight he was in ever, because “I don’t pick fights I can’t win.”  Ephraim, you are three guys, exiting a castle, surrounded by a moat, further surrounded by mountains.  Your only backup are cavalry units, and your enemies are mostly flying units, including a general so powerful that he injured Seth, your country’s best knight.  But oh no, he gets to escape.  No explanation, because you cannot possibly write a believable explanation for how that happened.  He just gets away because Ephraim’s just so cool.  So yeah, there’s no “learning to accept the loss,” because there is no loss.  To anyone, at any time.  I have no idea what they’re even talking about with “his loss to Lyon.”  My best guess is they just hadn’t played in a while and forgot.

If anything, Ephraim’s crucial flaw should be presented as being a fucking slacker.  They poke fun at it when they’re being taught as kids, but when war broke out, Ephraim left Renais to rush into battle, got his ass stranded, and wasn’t present to help Renais at all.  This is slightly acknowledged when they finally return to Renais, but only in the sense of “he’s back now and he’s better so it’ll never happen again!”  But (1) it’s mentioned exactly once, and (2) it’s not brought up nearly as often as Lyon being weak-willed, or Eirika “relying” on Ephraim protecting her, as flaws go.  Which is its own issue, considering we never actually see Eirika relying on Ephraim at all.  She didn’t actually need his help either time he showed up.  Nice to have, but far from saving an unwinnable situation.  We’re just told she always needs his help, because if she didn’t then Ephraim can’t be the cool twin who’s so good at war.

And that’s all that Ephraim is, and all he ever becomes.  There’s no “learning to become a king.”  He accepts that he’ll take the crown, but there’s really no reason to it aside from his penis.  He’s the prince, so he gets to be king.  Nevermind that Eirika’s route was more about establishing diplomatic ties, and that she’s by far the better leader.  Ephraim gets to lead because reasons.  All Ephraim does is charge into battles.  We get exactly two establishing scenes of Ephraim’s leadership qualities, both of which are around war and not actual leadership in a governing sense.  And get this!  They’re both with Seth, who, again, is their kingdom’s best knight. And guess how both scenes go.  You’ll never guess.  Ephraim’s either just as keen as Seth, or is presented as the one in the right.  Seth comes along as Ephraim’s advisor, but literally never has to advise, because Ephraim’s just so capable and good at this.  And remember, this is the hero who never read a fucking book.  Who copied all of Lyon’s homework, and couldn’t be asked to learn shit in his life.  I’m fine with him being a strong soldier.  Hell, I’m fine with him even having a keen sense for combat due to practical experience.  But being able to keep up with or exceed Seth, who should be one of the best minds for fighting we have, is kind of annoying.  At the very least, allow Seth to have some role as an advisor, rather than just...nothing.

At no point does Ephraim really learn or develop in any compelling way.  He starts out great and ends great.  Any flaws the narrative presents are solely as a backdrop, they’re never reflected in the story.  Him being bad at studying and books never bites him in any way.  Hell, it never even comes up, save for flashbacks and a singular comment the Demon King makes about Ephraim being “poorly educated,” which was more a taunt about him not immediately guessing Demon King.  Ephraim suffers from exactly no faults ever.

This leads into the other big issue.  Lyon.  I do not like Ephraim-route Lyon.  At all.  There’s a lot that goes into this, but the short version is I actually think Eirika-route Lyon is more engaging, complex, and shows greater force of will.

Eirika-route Lyon presents as fully consumed by the Demon King.  His soul is actively being devoured, and the beast within is winning.  However, at certain points, Lyon takes back control.  Briefly, but he’s trying.  He fights back as much as he can, but it’s impossible to resist the Demon King’s control.  His motivations are the same in both routes, and largely comes down to a desire to save his country and his people.  He’s used the arcane arts to manipulate the energy radiating from the Sacred Stone that has the Demon King trapped within.  He uses it to heal people, and see into the future to attempt preventing disaster.  In Eirika’s route, the Demon King expresses more of the unresolved feelings for Eirika, and his inadequacy because Ephraim’s just so good.  So like...they had a compelling tragedy going.  I could absolutely believe a 17-year-old has inadequacy issues around the girl he likes, and that this would be an easy mark for an ancient eldritch evil.  But the fact that it has to double back to Ephraim pisses me off.  But we’re talking about Ephraim-route Lyon, so that’s enough paraphrasing her route.

Ephraim-route Lyon seems to present just as himself.  On the surface, this seems like Lyon is showing greater willpower and resolve, right?  He’s in control!  He’s going to use the Demon King’s power to save Grado from impending disaster!  That’s way more impressive, right?

Well, not really.  Considering that Lyon acts in control, but is ultimately just going about this like a nitwit.  Complaint #1: Lyon doesn’t act as in-character in this route.  Ephraim even acknowledges it.  Lyon’s peaceful, he’d never instigate a war over this.  Like, this is an Edelgard move, not a Lyon move.  But here we are, being told that Lyon, of his own will, started this war.  Why?

Complaint #2: Because Vigarde sucks, for a start.  In the last flashback, Lyon is talking to his dad, and expresses uncertainty about his ability to rule.  Again, great in for the Demon King.  But Lyon’s actually on this one.  A major disaster was foreseen, and they need outside aid for their people to survive.  Vigarde says Renais would never aid them, because they need to put their people first.  There’s a bit of interesting consideration here, in that Renais, a smaller nation, probably can’t take in all the refugees that Grado would have.  But like...Renais is friendly with Frelia, who could be persuaded to help.  Rausten is all about charity like this, as the religious epicenter of the continent.  What the fuck are you on about, Vigarde?  Pinning literally all of this on Lyon to find a solution isn’t just cruel, it’s stupid and wrong.  Get it together, asshole.  How did you manage to not lead Grado into the ground?  Was it hard to teach yourself to breathe through your ass, or is that natural talent?

Complaint #3: Lyon’s motivations are all over the place.  This starts because he revives Vigarde, and this breaks the Sacred Stone, creating the Dark Stone that houses the Demon King.  Okay cool, this is when the possession starts.  But remember, they’re presenting this like Lyon’s in control.  After this point, Lyon still takes leadership.  He still makes the commands, through his father.  And he instigates a war.  Why?  Well, they never really say.  One answer is envy of Ephraim, and a desire to beat him.  The other is self-sacrifice.  He talks with Knoll about some documents that allegedly allow him to circumvent the foreseen history, and it involves human sacrifice and great magical power.  He plans to use the Demon King’s power and his own sacrifice to accomplish this.  But that...doesn’t explain the war.  You could just kill yourself on your own time, dude.  Like, hidden motivations include saving your people, but all of this was the worst possible method.  If you anticipated latching on to other nations after your death ends the royal bloodline, then your people are now reviled for being instigators in a completely meaningless war.  They’re less likely to get help than ever.  If it was to conquer territory for them to move to before the catastrophe, then why self-sacrifice at all?  The war now has a point, but nothing else does, because you’d have accomplished your goal through the war.

So basically, if Lyon’s in control, there are two possible motives for the war: showing off to beat Ephraim, or a pre-cursor to your self-sacrifice for some reason.  Either way, it’s super shitty.  Like really, what’s your motivation for enacting continental warfare?  Complete disillusionment regarding mankind’s right to rule, and seeking to end strife through complete subjugation by another species that (allegedly) doesn’t feel the emotions that lead men to folly?  The belief that war is inevitable and that living beings cannot help but kill one another for the most banal of reasons, and thus the most just course is to re-awaken their creator to put them all to an eternal rest?  Recognition that the structure of society is so bad that people are constantly suffering and dying, and decided to stand up and tear the structures out by the roots through bloody conquest if necessary, in hopes of a better tomorrow?  Or because your childhood friend’s dick was too huge and made you feel inadequate/you had to kill yourself and I guess this was the best you could come up with?

The more likely reason given how fucking incomprehensible his motivations are otherwise, is that the Demon King was always in full control.  That Lyon was never actually in command of things, but thought he was, even as the Demon King ate away at him from within.  This makes more sense, because it’s just...Demon King killing things for funsies.  But it also means Lyon has 0 actual agency, and it’s even more just the demon king.  In Eirika’s route, Lyon actually fights back and wrestles control, if just for brief moments at a time.  But in Ephraim’s, the only implication that makes sense is that Lyon never had anything.  He was never in control, and never even put up a fight.  He was just easily duped into believing that these were his conscious decisions.  Which makes Lyon a lot less compelling overall.

I just...I don’t like Sacred Stones.  I figure that’s clear, but it’s good to be open about it.  I feel like the game just tries so hard to make Ephraim the coolest thing ever, and every male character (except Seth) who interacts with Eirika is just obsessed with this notion of needing to be better than him before she’ll love them back.  It’s why I can’t stand Innes.  All their supports are is him being bullheaded and insisting that no, he has to protect her, because that’s how this is supposed to go, and he will be better than Ephraim so she’ll accept him.  Fuck you, Innes.  Though man, Lyon’s not much better.  I can at least sympathize with Lyon’s feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty about Eirika reciprocating, but the fact that it all boils back down to Ephraim again...god, neither of them even consider Eirika in this.  It’s all about Ephraim and your own dick-focused insecurities.  At no point do either of you consider Eirika’s feelings in the matter, everything’s about you you you, and needing to be better than Ephraim who’s just too cool I guess.  May as well rename this Toxic Masculinity: The Game at this rate.

tldr, Ephraim’s route sucks.  Eirika’s route is at least a decent tragedy, but sidelines its main character too hard to really feel like her route.  Lyon would be better off without Ephraim’s route.  The end.

[lgcchenglei-blog]

hello friends !! my name is jada, and...i’m so excited to meet you all !! this is my absolute heart and soul zhao chenglei, one of the newest additions to the legacy family !! i am actually...so stoked to be here, this group looks so cool !! i look forward to meeting you all, but i’m going to jump straight into things ! chenglei / lei is 20, a dance fanatic, and a lovebug ! you can find his info as well as a few connection ideas below,  and his profile here !! the other pages are wip, but i’m sure we can figure something out from there !! oh, and don’t forget to like this if my boy’s caught your eye and you’d like to plot together !! 

alright so !! he’s from hong kong, and born to a mom who was a model for a popular skincare company and a father who’s an anesthesiologist !!

his parents are quite ambitious & his name means “become great” since as their first child, they had high hopes !! he’s often called lei for short around friends.

his mom wanted him to follow in her footsteps so for the early part of his life she was obsessed with booking him baby modeling & acting gigs!! he was in a few commercials and an extra in some small shows, but didn’t gain much fame from it.

his family is originally from mainland china (which is why he’s pretty good at mandarin) but moved when he was born because they liked the atmosphere for him better ! also his mom started getting more opportunities to work there and rather than keep traveling when she had a newborn the whole family packed up and left !

to say the least he was raised pretty comfortably !!! his parents had a lot of influence in their respective fields and he lived well, always getting the things he asked for & such !

but honestly, he’s not the type of person that is obsessed money but that’s probably because he’s used to it? like ofc it’s nice to have, but he’d be perfectly fine living a normal life.

his parents don’t feel the same, they’re very invested in getting & keeping money, so they would always get mad bc he had a tendency of giving his friends things if they didn’t have it !!

he’s been really adamant on creating his own lifestyle recently though, so is trying to make his own name for himself & make his own money instead of relying on his parents forever.

he went to a private school in the city, which is where he learned english. it was widely spoken where he was anyways, but there were some exchange students who helped him too. 

also totally irrelevant headcanon but one of the students he became close with was australian & he traveled there in high school, so when he speaks english he’s a bit influenced by the accent !!

a dancing machine for real !! first got into dance 1t 5 when his mom thought it’d be cute for him to do ballet?? he hated it only because his friends made fun of him for it, but the more time he spent doing it the more he was kind of like...oh !! this is kinda nice !!

and then he fell in love with it, and to this day ballet remains his favorite type of dance. the older he got though he took more classes, and eventually joined a competitive dance team the city had !

he first got interested in kpop by a few friends in middle school, and that reflected onto his love for dancing! he began learning all the dances he could, and the more he saw them the more he felt he could turn his love for dance into a real dream.

long story short, his parents were v unhappy to hear he wanted to be in such a risky career, but after constant begging allowed him to audition! they promised thinking that he wouldn’t make it past first cuts, but when he did they were very shocked and kind of just in awe let him start training??

his first few months training were a huge struggle to face. right off the bat he could hardly speak korean, and it’s when reality really set in ?? as much as he said he wasn’t dependent on his wealth it was a big adjustment to go from his life in hong kong to living in dorms with other trainees. it was just...wild!!

not to mention chenglei can be an introvert when in situations he doesn’t know people in,  so he was probably really quiet at the beginning !!

but he definitely opens up once he becomes comfortable around others. he’s still on the quieter side, but definitely v sweet and even a little mischevious around the ones he’s close too !! so by now it can be assumed he’s this way around the trainees he encounters often.

but when he’s in work mode ?? totally different lei !!! he takes training very seriously, takes staff criticism hard, and just kind of beats himself up to work harder !! not the best method, but if one thing’s for sure it’s that he serious about improving and doesn’t put anything above that when it’s time to get serious.

and performing lei !! also very different. he’s definitely a worrier all the moments leading up to performance, but becomes some confident dancing machine when he gets on stage ! he doesn’t worry about looking too weird, just focuses on delivering a powerful performance. very different than his usual self !

he’s currently in his 2nd year as a university student, and it is h-a-r-d !! since he practically goes straight from school to practice, he’s burnt out 80% of the time and lives off of coffee and a prayer.

oh in terms of languages !! he speaks cantonese as his native tongue, learned mandarin through talking with his family in the mainland,  learned english through school, and is still actively learning korean ! he’s only completely fluent in cantonese, but learns korean the most out of all of them on a day-to-day basis.

he’s a little creative boy !! lovesloves to draw and paint and you can always catch him doodling things that went on during the day if he’s bored !!

also plays piano, which he was kind of forced into by his parents lmao ?? but it’s always a plus when he mentions it and it’s fun to play.

he’s quite a softy?? especially for a guy, he’s very affectionate, v loyal, and always looking out for his friends in any way he can ! it probably comes from his dad always being off at work, and his mom ( who is the more nurturing of the two ) being the most present, so he took after her and is very caring & sweet !

i’m not gonna lie...he’s a little bit of an eboy ?? let the sighs of shame arise lmao !! but honestly he’s like if an eboy & art hoe had a baby, but who’s also soft ?? the chaos !

he’s also a bilie eilish supremacist ?? don’t know how that happened since i don’t even stan her that much myslf ?? but like....if you couldn’t tell from his audition video he loves her & will cover each and every of her videos

he’s a baby pan !! he hasn’t really “come out” officially to his friends per se, but has vaguely expressed interest for something outside of a relationship with just girls ! he’s terrified to tell his parents & if he ever will...who knows !! but he’ll become more comfortable with his sexuality soon enough, at least.

his end goal, well semi-end goal, is to become a choreographer !! he wants to be an idol / dancer above all things, but he knows that career won’t last forever so he hopes when he gets out of it to help others achieve their dreams !! he’s very strong on the belief that what’s given to you must be paid back, so he wants to show his appreciation for his eventual debut by helping others reach theirs, too !! 

i think i’ve talked waaaay too much already, so...let’s move onto some quick plot ideas !! i promise i’ll have a legitimate plots page soon. xx

maybe some awkardness ? maybe lei thought he was helping this muse out by giving them presents & money, but they took it a different way as him flaunting his money or treating them like a charity case ? i think it could be interesting !

another foreigner ?? the classic helping each other out duo, but i think it could be really important for the both of them considering they’re still trainees navigating a new country together !

a senior he really admires ? even though they’re all trainees, lei treats those more experienced than him with lots of respect, so he’d probably do everything he could to learn from & get on their good side ! maybe a cute friendship could develop out of it !

on the flip side, someone younger / he’s senior to he can baby ! he’s kind of used to being babied around, but he tends to become a lot more protective & caring over those under him ! please give him someone to spoil & instill confidence in pls thanks

sibling-like friends ?? i need someone he can just be silly with, ruffle a few feathers with, and even have the occasional dispute, but in the end they’ve gotten really close and no one can mess with one without the other ready for a fight !

maybe lei’s got a boy / nb crush he wasn’t expecting ?? he’s a softie so i think it’d be adorable for him to have a little crush on someone, requited or not !

university students rise !! give my boy someone else to share his pain with and complain about how it’s impossible to get good grades and have good evaluations !!

little competition !! he’s mainly a dancer, though he also sings, so i think it’d be fun to have someone he competes with & is often compared to ! maybe they’re actually really close and help each other, maybe they’re true rivals trying to bring each other down !

[calleo-bricriu]

What I want to see is what over 100 years old Calleo and his cards have to say about Voldemort.

The hell do I need cards for that for? I could just tell you outright but, then, I’m sure you’d be back at me going on about how that’s no fun at all.

In the distant past, they’d described him as a bullheaded, reactionary wank cloth who’s prone to having violent tantrums when he doesn’t get his way–I’m condensing that down rather a lot but that was the gist of it; perfectly charming sort until he gets the idea that you think he’s roughly as interesting as watching paint dry.

But, hey, people change and maybe when he’s ready to try again he’ll have improved somewhat.

Which, in his case, would more than likely manifest as just becoming more wildly unpredictable with his meltdowns and moods but, you’ve asked my cards, not me, so here we go.

I wonder if he still does that thing where he tries to go as long as humanly possible without blinking because he could do it indefinitely with a little transfiguration and charms work.

Where was I?

Ah! The cards.

(( Larger resolution image is here. ))

Hermit’s pretty self explanatory; he’s been isolated, and should you find him and ask him he’d likely tell you that it was on purpose and/or for the purposes of enlightenment, introspection and contemplation–hopefully around why he didn’t account for basic defensive Blood Magic but, most likely not that. I know I don’t like to dwell on it when I miss something basic, I like to forget I did that and move on while also keeping it tucked away in the back of my head so I don’t do it again.

I’m going to go ahead and ignore that, all around, when the Empress shows up it she often signifies a pregnancy and considering Voldemort, unless he gets incredibly creative with trying to get himself back into a body (or just possesses the first thing he can manage that’s human) is not likely the sort to be able to get pregnant, which leaves the third option of someone else…letting him…do that to them.

It can also mean that he’ll just make an effort to be a little more creative and inspirational to anyone stupid enough to show up for a second round and with his recruitment efforts but if I had to have the mental image of somebody not only fucking Voldemort but letting him knock the up so the rest of you–and I say the rest of you because I don’t know specifically which one of you asked for this reading so you all get to suffer.

And I don’t think it’s that second one as the Ace of Cups revolves around beginning again which, fair, if you’re half-resurrecting yourself–but it primarily focuses around fertility and pregnancy. Someone is going to let that man knock them up.

Ew.

Getting away from that horrifying set of mental images, the Eight of Wands indicates he’s going to be about as good at being patient and planning things out (complete with contingencies or alternate plans in case the main one fails) as he was the first time around which is to say, not at all. However, since the Ministry is staffed largely by what I can only assume are tranquilised bonobos in suits, nobody here is going to care. Or notice. I’ll notice, I’ve already noticed, but I have enough benzos from Muggle doctors that I legitimately do not care.Or, if they do notice, they’re going to pretend they haven’t so all the progress speed, action, momentum, all that nonsense, is only going to seem speedy to the people who haven’t been paying attention.

The rest of us will have seen it slowly coming since roughly 1982.

He’s got abandonment issues head to toe based on the Eight and Five of cups, which is a large part of what makes him dangerous as, instead of focusing on the cups that haven’t been knocked all over the place and using those to rebuild, all he’s likely to focus on will seem, on the surface, to be a political revolution but that’ll just be a thin and fragile veneer covering the fact that he’s a desperately lonely, fundamentally unhappy, nearly always frightened basket case and that manifests (as it often does) in violent outbursts and an undercurrent of wanting to make everyone else suffer the way he feels he was made to suffer.

That’s not even all that uncommon, you can see it to a much lesser degree anywhere in Knockturn if you stay there long enough or visit often enough.

Queen of Swords is likely to turn out to be his most dedicated defender, coming from a point of power obsession and pity, though if she’s got any brains she won’t ever mention she pities him as it might get her killed, and wants nothing more than to shield and protect him, keeping him from harm; also indicates that she’s married–well, it mentions it in the inverse as a divorce, which would make sense if she’s one of those sorts that were pushed into a family alliance sort of marriage that she never particularly cared to be a part of to begin with.

And, at some point, he may be able to shake off all that flailing about to somehow manage to convince the general public that he’s not that bad, and he’ll do so through gratuitous shows of generosity, charity, investing in community (the community he envisions, at any rate; some of you will have to be his diversionary scapegoats, after all), and while everyone is distracted by someone who’s likely to be able to walk into the Ministry and buy them off with false gratitude, making them feel valued, paying them well, displaying what comes off as fairness unless you scratch the surface, he’ll get to work doing what he wanted to do in the first place.

And what does he want to do in the first place? Get himself into a position where he’s well liked, respected, viewed in a positive light, as a good leader, as someone who is successful, committed, has clear goals, and will lead the Ministry to greater things. This is someone who wants to be loved without having to leave himself vulnerable in the process.

For awhile, he’ll get it, and it’ll seem solid.

It won’t last, however, not for long, because that Eight of Swords is going to leave him feeling trapped, restricted, and lashing out at anyone or anything who he even suspects of holding dissenting views through harsh punishments, executions, imprisonments, persecution, “trials” in front of the Wizengamot that were rigged from the start, and at that point he’ll be at two distinct paths he can take.

I do love the Two of Wands for letting things go in different directions.

First potential path: If he goes that route, he’ll be able to leverage what little political and social capital he’ll have left after that mess I just described and, with a little creativity, should be able to pull it all back together in a way that cements his socio-political views as the new, accepted norm and any rebellion against it won’t be able to gain the following it’d need to challenge him for decades to come.

Second potential path: Nine of Swords circles back to the Eight of Swords, only more intense. Terror, not just fear, seeing enemies everywhere, being the subject of gossip, the narrative of which he will not be able to control as it will be a moving and largely invisible target that is perfectly willing to martyr itself if it means his downfall. As a result, he’ll fall further and further into paranoia, nightmares, despair, and stress, leaving him with an inability to cope with the reality of the situation which will only circle back to him lashing out at anything that comes within range, regardless of who or what it is, and when he hits his breaking point he isn’t likely to survive it.

The card between those two paths, as I was curious as to which route the deck thought he’d take, is a reversed Star.

Hopelessness, despair, the inability to take responsibility for one’s actions being what led them to where they are, lack or loss of trust in those around him and in himself, feeling as though everyone, even his closest followers, are plotting against him.

Considering that, I suspect he’ll go the second route to hang out with the sword filled guy in an egg costume.

Let’s see if one overarching card will give some closure here, shall we?

Regret, refusing help from those who legitimately want to give it (back up a bit and re-read the bits that mention paranoia) because, as surprising as it may seem, there are people who genuinely do care for him–in their own, strange way–disillusionment, becoming even more self-absorbed and depressed, focusing on the fantasy in which he’s–apologies, but I’m going to jump back to how two of my former Archivists often described him–seen as something greater in terms of charisma, success, skill, and political success than Grindelwald.

I watched that mess rise to power and fall from it spectacularly, and my memory has more than enough clarity to state with certainty that the only things I’ve seen that Voldemort is better than Grindelwald at are:

1) Keeping himself out of prison.

2) Being ballsy enough to apply for that Defence Against the Dark Arts position looking the way he did when he got that interview. He had to have known what he looked like, unless he doesn’t cast a reflection anymore and nobody told him how off he looked. Just to note, it’s not that I think he’d have been unqualified for the position so much as he may have come off as only wanting it to use as a recruiting platform which is–one of those things you really need to hide until you’ve got tenure, or at least a signed contract.

3) Being repeatedly thwarted by children yet still having followers willing to both overlook it, stand there with a straight face while he probably blames his wand for it (because they all do, you find any Wizard over 60 that has a spell fail and the first thing you get is some variation of, “I swear this has never happened before! It must be the wand acting up!”), and continue to follow him despite the fact that all they’d really have to do is walk away and start telling people what he’s really like and it’d kill any chances of recruiting anything with any skill or ability to follow through.

4) Talking to snakes, allegedly. Not entirely sure how useful that skill would be but I suppose snakes probably have some interesting things to say now and again.

At any rate, Four of Cups almost guarantees he’s going the Nine of Swords route so it’ll get a bit hairy for awhile but whatever grip he gets on anything is going to be tenuous at best and even holding onto it with both hands his reach is likely going to exceed his grasp.

I never like to see raw talent wasted like that, and he does possess a great deal of raw talent as well as the intelligence to have made it, with right people around him, into something spectacular; it’s just been–misapplied and left in the hands of people who never did have his interests at heart, and it’s easy to take advantage of a kid like that. See it all the time in Knockturn.

Pity, really.

[foxchandelier-blog]

Lysandre is actually a really scary villain if you think deeply into the premise of his character.

I’ve done a little bit of research on him already and have analyzed some theories + “evidence” that crosses between the games, the manga, the specials and the anime and, honestly, Lysandre is actually fucking terrifying if we assume his true personality is an amalgamation of all his counterparts.

I mean, for one, he’s really good at manipulating people. You can see this in a lot of ways but the most noticeable one is convincing rich people to buy into his weird-ass genocidal organization. Just thinking about that alone boggles the mind a little because he’s managed to get people to spend millions alone on just getting just a fancy suit and a “promised place in utopia”. 

For two, Lysandre has a lot of control over the Kalos region, more control than anyone should be allowed. Literally let me exist the examples of how much control he has:

1.) Lysandre has control Lysandre Labs - a company that literally doles out all of Kalos’s most advanced technology (a la Pokemon Generations episode 16) - and has made it so that many people likely depend on his services. And, as mentioned in the manga (though I don’t know if this is a games-related factor but I would assume so) Lysandre is a brilliant engineer who’s come up with a lot of this amazing technology, putting him in a place of power through his skills alone.

2.) Lysandre is friends with the Kalos region CHAMPION and REGIONAL PROFESSOR. He literally has them both admiring him and respecting him - a feat usually only reserved for the player character. And yet, all the while, Lysandre is using and abusing Sycamore’s and Diantha’s trust in him to do terrible things. So much so that Sycamore even admits in the games of how he was aware of Lysandre’s wrong-doings but was unable to stop him. 

3.) Lysandre has control over the news media. This is pointed out in the games, in the manga, in the anime, and in the Pokemon Generations anime. And, the consistency is really appreciated because this is fucking scary. Lysandre has the ability to control how people see him through the news outlets. By using Malva - who broadcasts news to most of Kalos’s people - as a biased outlet meant to make him look good, Lysandre can easily spread lies and deceit to get people to respect him. 

4.) I don’t really think this has to be said but Lysandre is very charismatic and a convincing actor. Even if you pinpoint him as the villain early on thanks to his garish design, it’s hard not to notice how everyone is in awe of him or how no one questions his motives. Lysandre is good at being liked, strangely so, and even if you feel an urge to hate him as the player character it’s hard not to notice the way many people in-verse treat him as someone to respect and be inspired from.

For third, let’s discuss the anime. 

The third reason that Lysandre’s so scary is due to his relationship with Alan in the animated version of XY/XYZ/TSME.

Throughout the duration of the show, Lysandre is very much a puppet master moving all his pieces into place. One such puppet is young Alan, a trainer who he’s manipulated and set into place like a toy on a string.

The first time Lysandre meets Alan, it’s actually kind of terrifying to think about. He meets Alan in the midst of ruins, battles him, defeats him, and then coaxes Alan into becoming his minion. Not only that but he uses Alan’s lone role model against him - using Alan’s love for Professor Sycamore to drive him away from the man and into Lysandre’s care only.

Lysandre abuses Alan’s trust in him as an authority figure and makes use of that trust in his favor. He uses Alan as his assistant in his plot, letting Alan think that he is doing good without telling a single lie to the boy. The man uses Alan without remorse, depending on his skills and prowess while also treating him as disposable if he becomes “weak” (as mentioned in TSME episode 4 when Lysandre notes “I don’t need weaklings”).

Furthermore, when Lysandre recognizes Alan’s fondness and guilt over Manon and her Chespin’s condition, he uses that as a tool to get Alan to continue collecting energy. While Alan is hurting over how his actions have caused his closest companions pain, Lysandre weaponizes Alan’s feelings by feeding him tales of “how he can save Chespie” if he just “collects Mega Evolution energy”. 

It’s terrible and it’s downright horrifying. Even as Alan’s obviously breaking down, Lysandre’s first thoughts are not to help the boy but to use Alan’s feelings for his own personal plans. He cares little for how Alan or Manon actually feel and, instead, chooses to use their unfortunate situation in a way that only truly benefits him.

It’s cruel and malicious, selfish and yet cold-hearted. Lysandre’s relationship with Alan is honestly really toxic. He controls Alan, cuts off his closest connections, and weaponizes said connections to put the boy under his control. 

For the fourth reason for why this man is scary it’s because Lysandre thinks he’s in the right and doesn’t think himself wrong. Lysandre’s goals, though seemingly flimsy in design and terrible in the game’s execution, get established in the anime as something almost...sympathetic. In the anime, though it’s only brief, Lysandre explains a little bit of his reasoning for his actions: a reasoning that I will paraphrase here to make sense for the context of his overall character.

His explanation is that he wanted to help people who were suffering, lending them his time, money, and charity in order to help them. At first, he was thanked and appreciated and everyone loved him for it. This was something that Lysandre arguably considered “beautiful”. 

Over time, however, he noticed something changed in the people he helped. They became greedy, wanting more and more of whatever he could provide. He was treated horribly because he could not provide what the people wanted. This, in turn, opened his eyes to the “ugliness” of humanity. He grew bitter, grew spiteful of the people he helped because they saw him as something akin to a tool rather than as a hero. 

This doesn’t explain how he developed genocidal tendencies, of course, but it does give a realistic background story that I can believe and yet somehow sympathize with. Lysandre wanted to help people. But, in doing so, he made them greedy. They wanted more from him, wanted him to do more things for them because of their “rights”, and this greed ultimately makes Lysandre start to snap.

Moving on, I think a lot of the inspiration for Lysandre’s deeply off-the-rockers  and genocidal maniac transformation lies in the real fictional story of “The Picture of Dorian Gray”.

In said story, the main character - Dorian Gray - comes to be inspired by the views of a man known as Lord Henry Wotton. Lord Henry believes fully in beauty as the only thing being worthy of being pursued in life. Taking up this view, Dorian Gray wishes that a painting of himself would age in his place so that he can pursue nothing but beauty and sensual fulfillment.

Taking this (very short hand) explanation of the plot in association to Lysandre, I think there’s a connection here. Dorian Gray, upon becoming smitten with the idea of endless beauty, seeks to keep himself beautiful forever. And Lysandre, who’s views of the world have warped into ugliness, seeks to pursue that beauty, wanting to rid the world of “ugliness” (human greed, “unworthy people”) so that he can keep the "beautiful” all around him (the “chosen ones”).

This ties back into the story’s themes of life and destruction. 

Lysandre seeks life to keep himself and the “chosen ones” beautiful, to keep Kalos looking as pretty as he feels it should. 

But, Lysandre also seeks destruction (or, if you’re like me, death) and wants to rid Kalos of its impurities (people who are “consumed by their greed” and “unchosen” just like members of Team Flare or people who fail to realize what beauty means). 

And, while pursuing the beauty of Kalos, he’s created such a mindset that only HE is in the right. He is the only person who realizes that Kalos is losing its beauty and, therefore, it’s up to him to make the world beautiful.

This is further pronounced in the XY manga. There, the ugliness of humanity is further brought up in the way the Kalos region reacts to tragedies. When a whole town is destroyed and left in shambles, those who did not experience the tragedy “shake it off” and “remain smiling in their day to day lives”. 

There’s a certain kind of ugliness present in this scenario. The people of Kalos who weren’t involved in Vanivelle’s destruction live on happily. They smile and carry on their day-to-day lives while ignoring the suffering of others. This shows humanity’s weakness: humans do not care for things that don’t concern them personally. It’s a gut punch kind of message because it’s honestly kind of true. Until something impacts a person personally, they won’t care for the misery of others and, instead, choose to go about their merry way while another person suffers the consequences of things like poverty, famine, war, etc.

And, in a way, it kind of makes you think Lysandre is right to want to retain beauty and to destroy anything that messes with that ideal. If someone isn’t beautiful - if they’re greedy or selfish or unsympathetic to the pain of others - than you kind of understand why Lysandre would want to get rid of those kinds of people. 

This is what makes Lysandre scary: you can sympathize with and even understand his thought process on a deeper level. He’s a genocidal maniac who’s too obsessed with beauty, yes, but there’s an underlying understanding of why he likely ended up the way that he did.

In conclusion, Lysandre is actually legitimately a terrifying villain and if he was a real person we’d all be really scared of him. He’s charismatic and manipulative and holds a lot of power in his hands. He can influence people and has control over how a lot of people as a result. His obsession with beauty, with correcting the path of humanity for its greed and impurities, not only reeks of real-life historical implications but also of realism too. 

Lysandre’s the kind of villain you would expect to see in real life, someone who, if stripped of his Pokemon-verse significance, would easily exist as a person in the real world. He’s cunning and knows how to take control. Not to mention that he’s rich and the kind of person who could easily hide under the kind facade of charity. Lysandre is a dangerous man, far dangerous than any first glimpse of him might suggest, but he wields power like a sword and has the ability to determine between life and death at a moment’s notice.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #212

“counting bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums.”

Have you ever fired a gun? No. Have you ever tried archery? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? A day or so. Do you have any scars? Whew, a lot. I scar easily tbh, though me being so so pale probably contributes to making them more noticeable. Are you a good judge of character? I don't really know. I think so, but then again I'm very very paranoid when meeting new people and look TOO deep into how I expect someone to be. Can you do any other accents other than your own? Just British. What is your favorite accent? British generally, but I find French sooo pretty with girls, then Scottish is cool. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? I have no clue. Probably my leather boots. Can you curl your tongue? Yes, surprisingly... I just tried and I can with the slight curve in my tongue ring. Most used phrased? Probably "what a mood" or something like that lmao. Most used word? Besides the words in most sentences, I'm sure it's probably "fuck." How long does it take for you to get ready? Am I taking a shower? Then just like... less than 20 minutes. Without a shower, it's like less than ten minutes. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Both. Can you name all 50 states of America? No. I'm a sad American. Have you ever started a rumor? No. How fast can you type? I took a test awhile back for a job application purpose and it's 72 or so wpm. How fast can you run? I can tell you NOT FAST without even trying. Color of your bedspread? Navy and black. Have you ever had a really bad haircut? I don't think so. What brand, color, and type is your favorite eyeliner? I don't have one. Do you wear eyeliner? If I ever wear makeup, that's the one thing I will wear. Was there ever a time in your life when you couldn’t cry? Yes, probably early 2017. I was so numb until I started to "feel" recovery. Even as I got better, I had a hard time crying. Last year was a pretty "I can't cry"-type time, too. What’s your favorite type of yogurt? Not a fan of yogurt. What are your favorite type of calendars? I don't have one? Do you have a full-length mirror? Yes. Do you have a piggy bank? No. Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? No. What’s your favorite DIY crafts YouTube channel? I don't watch DIY crafts. Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? At my current age, bottom. What kind of popcorn is your favorite? Probably caramel corn. But buttery and salty is great too. Does your town have a big fountain in it? No. What is your town known for? Probably nothing. Do you know what you want to do for your next birthday? If yes, what is it? Hm. That's a long ways off, idk. All I know is it'd be great if Sara was here. And then there's the yearly urge to get a tattoo that day lmao. What is the last new thing you discovered that was really good? I think The Shining. Watched it for the first time and loved it. What would be the best surprise you could receive right now? Hey could I have money right now. Were there any subjects in school that were really easy for you? If so, what? English/Language Arts. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? No. What is the best hairstyle you’ve ever had? I love what I currently have. Do you think you look better with dyed hair or natural hair? Dyed hair. Do you think your look better with curly hair or straight hair? Straight. Do you have bangs? No. What’s your favorite rock band? I'd say Marilyn Manson. (I'm excluding metal, 'cuz that's a different story.) Who’s your favorite country singer? I don't mind Tim McGraw. Did you try the unicorn frappuccino, and if yes, were you a fan? I didn't. When you look at your baby pictures, do you recognize yourself? Actual baby pictures, usually no. Has your hair color changed since you were a toddler? Yes; I was born dirty blonde. Do you wear matching socks? Yeah. Do you decorate for Halloween? We don't really anymore. What is your favorite thing to do in the pool? Just swim around, relax. Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? I think so. What color(s) eyeshadow do you wear the most? Only ever black. Do you see yourself as a sensitive person? I'm extremely sensitive. Do you still leave/receive voicemails? Yes. Are you a festive person? Do you enjoy holidays? I'm not very festive, no. The only holidays that really excite me are Halloween and Christmas. What is your favorite subject to learn about? Meerkats. You’re feeling down - do you listen to sad music or happy? Sad. It usually comforts me/makes me feel less alone. Even though I might cry. Is there a song or artist that you secretly enjoy, but don’t want to enjoy? I like a decent number of Blood On The Dancefloor songs. Has your parents' taste in music in any way affected what you like? Yes. When I started getting into rock naturally, I began listening to my mom's CDs, and that's when metal stole my heart. You’re looking for some new music - what’s your preferred way to discover? YouTube recommendations. Do you still own any CD’s/records/tapes? Mom has CDs. She may or may not have tapes from when my sisters and I were really young for memory's sake; we had a lot of kid ones, like Raffi. Do you ever hear a new song on TV that you like and find it? When I watched TV, yeah, rarely. Do you watch the news? No. What about the weather channel? No. What’s your favorite holiday movie? Maybe Hocus Pocus. How do you feel about adult cartoons? I don't have an opinion. Do you still watch shows that you grew up watching? No. What about movies that you grew up with? Yeah. Do you identify with any organized religion? No. If so - is it how you were raised, or have you found your own? I was raised Catholic, grew to simply a Christian, then left that behind a year or more ago. Have you ever protested or been on strike? Does not eating at Chick-fil-a count as some kind of "protest?" That place was hard to let go of, but nah man, I'm not supporting your business when your higher-ups contribute to anti-LGBT efforts and such. Is gun control necessary or no? Some degree of control absolutely is. Are you happy with the political state where you reside? HAHA no. Should abstinence or sex education be taught in schools? Education, but I do believe in heavily advising smart sexual decisions such as not just doing it with just anyone. Have you read the book 13 Reasons Why or watched the show? I read the book. Should shows like this be available to everyone or could it be a trigger? Fuck the show. Do you like animals? Of course. What is your absolute favorite food? Probably pizza. Do you have bad anxiety? If so, do you take any kind of medication for it? You don't know the half of it. I literally cried the first and last day of my last job because I couldn't find the gloves when I needed to. So yeah, I take meds, but I don't think either do very much, honestly. Who was the last person you felt you were wasting your time on? A former best friend. I cared when she didn't. One thing you’ve experienced that you thought you never would have? I never in a million years thought I was going to have a bad - traumatic - breakup when I was kid because I "knew who to pick." I was so sure. What was the last thing someone said to you that kept repeating over & over in your head? The guy who helped in basic training with me saying "well that was a waste of my time" when my co-worker told him what was going on with me. Literally, it won't get out of my head. If a random person were to look through the photos on your phone, is there anything you’d be embarrassed about? lmao I have Mark wallpapers stored, my friend. Don't find my collection. How often do you have late nights out? Never. Ever. Do you currently have any mixed feelings about someone? As far as friendships go, yes. If you could, would you work from home? Do you think that would make you more or less productive? No no no no no. I want a job to get OUT of my house. I know I'd be less productive, too. What were you like in middle school? Weird and probably annoying. If you could give one charity a million dollars, what charity would you donate money to? I'm not sure. I'd have to look more into ones with causes I'm passionate about. Most likely something about conservation. Would you ever be an organ donor? I am. Which do you think is harder: realizing you haven’t changed or realizing you have? The former. Is there something that you really need to do, but can’t seem to get motivated to do it? Plenty of things. Have you ever won some sort of prize or prize package from a contest? What did you win? Yeah, a few. I don't remember most; I only really remember the Silent Hill one I've mentioned before. What is something you’re surprised hasn’t been invented yet? A cure for cancer, I guess? I dunno. Most disturbing movie you have ever seen? Probably The Entity. Has a life goal or dream ever come true for you yet? If yes, what is it? If no, do you think you’ll achieve it? lol by golly do I wish. I don't fucking know if I'll achieve any. What one thing has always bothered you, but seems to bother no one else? I get legitimately bothered by people going in/out the wrong door. Do you still own a VCR and VHS tapes? No. What’s your favorite color gummy bear? I don't care. What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex’s body? Shoulder blades why do I love shoulder blades????? Where do you sing the most, in the car or the shower? I dunno. Ever hurt yourself playing Wii? Probably. Do you have freckles? Not on my face. I did as a kid though. Weird. How many languages can you say “Hello” in? Three. What’s the last video game you played? So not computer? I believe... The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon? Or Shadow of the Colossus. I don't remember. Can you do the alphabet in sign language? No. Do you like your feet? I don't like feet to begin with, and I don't like mine. My feet are so dry and callused to HELL from when I used to walk all the time. I need to see a doctor to get rid of the worst ones on my toes honestly because they annoy the fuck out of me because ugly. Candles or incense? Incense. Reason behind the last time you laughed until you cried? I don't remember. Are you one who brags a lot? I don't have anything to brag about. Do you face your problems head on or do you run away from them? Depends on the problem, I guess... What is the latest you’ve stayed out before? I remember there was one night in particular with Jason where he dropped me off like... really late. Around 3 or later in the morning. I don't remember why I got home so late. Are you confrontational? AVOID! AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! COSTS! Do you stand your ground? Usually. Who do you know without a doubt cares about you? Mom, Sara, and Dad. Have you ever caught yourself talking in your sleep? For the past year and more, I've started sleep talking frequently... and yeah, I've woken up in the middle of doing it plenty of times. Did you do anything stupid/anything you regret today? I probably do something stupid every day. Little things like procrastinate on everything are certainties. Have you ever switched primary care doctors? Do not. Get me FUCKING started. On the doctor who kept me on a medication that resulted in gaining like 150 pounds and blaming it all on me. Yeah, I switched. If yes, what was the reason? lol see above. Do you ever sleep on your bedroom floor just for fun? God no. Sleeping on the floor is a last resort. Are you worried about your current financial situation? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Do you know anyone who’s had a stillbirth? Probably. Who was the last person you know (or that you know of) that died? Uhhh I'm not sure. Possibly the old lady Mom watched. Do you need a new phone? Desperately. Would you rather get a big tattoo or small tattoo? A big one. Do you identify as a supernatural being..i.e., unicorn, alien, goddess…? Uh no. What’s one thing you are tired of seeing or hearing about on Facebook? Guys I don't understand the "me and the boys" meme laskdfjalwier make it go away. What theme do you want for your wedding? Halloween-ish. What theme would you choose for a baby’s nursery? Idk. I don't want kids, so this isn't something I think about. What color would you paint a baby girl’s nursery? Pastel pink. Not for stereotypical reasons, my favorite color just happens to be pink and I think it's cute for a baby. Does your first crush know that he/she was your first crush? No. Which family member did you get your height from? Mom and I are pretty much the same height. Do you like your butt? NO I have a pancake ass. Who was the last friend of yours to have a baby, and what’s the baby’s name? An old high school friend recently had a baby named Jaspen. Are all of your friends having babies right now? I think most of my old friends have at least one kid by now. Do you know anyone who’s given birth to twins? Yes. Growing up, did you listen to country music? Yes, when my older sister started controlling the radio. Do you have a gazebo at your house? No. Where were you going the first time you rode a plane? Ohio or Michigan. Do you like tomatoes? Not really, no. The only time I ever have was fresh ones with bacon and light mayo on a sandwich. What’s your favorite brand of bottled water? Essentia. Do you have any ceramic animals in your house or outside? Why is there a small dolphin in the corner of our back yard?????? What annoys you more: slow talkers or slow walkers? Slow walkers. Have you ever been to a night club? No. If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Something about being prone to anxiety, I guess. Do you believe in reincarnation? No. Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? Not in the slightest. What is your MBTI personality type? INFP Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? No. Is the ocean or sky prettier? Sky. Are you androgynous? No. Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? No. Well I kiss my niece's and nephew's cheeks when telling them bye, but they're the only ones. What is the youngest age you can remember back to? I have at least one memory from when I was two. Did you wear your hair in a ponytail today? It's too short for that. What job would you NEVER take, even as a last resort? Slaughterhouse worker was the first thing to come to mind. If you broke your computer, would you be able to fix it on your own? No. What was the shittiest hotel you’ve ever stayed at and why? I don't think I've stayed in a bad one... What was the first kind of alcohol you ever tasted? A daiquiri. Do you use any styling products on your hair? No. Do you have a favorite local band? Who are they? No. What’s the most confusing book you ever read? Even though it's my favorite book, Johnny Got His Gun takes the cake here. The way it's written is very confusing, though I think I get why Trumbo chose such a style. Do you like your personality? I like some things, hate others. Are your legs long or short? I'd say they're proportional to the rest of my body. How many phobias do you have? A lot. Where do you think your last ex is right now? He's probably sleeping since he works 3rd shift. What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve seen in the last week? I don't know. Probably the sky during a car ride or something. Who was the last person to comfort you as you cried? My mom. When was the last time you felt like throwing up? A week ago or so when I had an anxiety attack the night before my first day of work. I got myself so worked up. Have you ever had to wear a hairnet? For the two fucking hours I lasted at my last job lmao. Do you use the Facebook chat often? No. Do you own a robe? What color is it? Nope. Who ended your last relationship? Me. Do you still remember your first kiss? Yeah. Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now? Yeah, other than being long-distance. How many kids do you want to have? None. Have you ever purposely given someone the wrong number? No. Who’s the last person you smoked weed with? I haven't. Though by this point in my life, I wish NC would catch up with the times and legalize it medicinally because I've given up enough to turn to that for my anxiety. Who was the last person you talked to, other than family? My old VR coach. When was the last time you flew in a plane? Last December. Is there a girl you absolutely can not stand? No. At least not off the top of my head. Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? No, I was that person lmao. Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else? Yes. Say your last ex walks up to you and hugs you, what do you say? We're still friends, so. At the current time, a random hug from him would probably make me cry though because he's not very affectionate and I haven't been stable for days. I need the comfort alsdjfakljwer Who was the last baby you held? It's probably been like a year since I've held a baby when I was still friends with Colleen. But y'all my sister is pregnant & next year GUESS WHO I'M HOLDING. Do you have any siblings that moved away to college? She did, but she's long since graduated. Who was the last person who cried around you? I'm sure it was Mom. What was the last thing you cried about? My life. Who’s the last guy to give you roses? Tyler. Would you rather have nice eyes or nice lips/smile? Smile, I suppose. Do you have a common first name? Yes. Do you like your middle name or your first name more? My first, I guess. Do you wear more rings or necklaces? I always have a ring on. Have you ever been engaged? No. Can you see your veins through your skin? In some areas. Did your parents let you have pets when you were a kid? Yes. Do you like spicy chips? Yes. What band was on the last band t-shirt you wore? Metallica. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Yes. Have you ever owned or known someone who owned a black cat? Both. Who scheduled your last doctor visit? My mom. I don't drive, so she drives me around, and so things have to fit into her busy schedule. So she just does it. Do you have any holiday themed socks? True shit, I think most of mine are, lmao... Like you know, socks are a common gift on Christmas. What’s the last funny movie you watched? Idr. Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Yes. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? I'd say it depends on the person, but in general, I suppose snakebites? What brand of hair dye do you prefer to use? Splat is the only brand that has ever stuck to my hair. Lasted months. Did/do you ride the bus to and from school? Only Jason's junior and senior years sometimes to go to his house. Are you any good at applying make up? No. I have tremors in my hands, and it makes it an absolute nightmare. Are you someone who likes to make simple things difficult? I certainly don't try to, but I somehow always end up doing it. What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? Rolls and honey ham. And that is /literally/ it. I don't like Thanksgiving food. Do you like Techno music? Yeah. Is your second toe longer than your big toe? They're like the exact same length. Do you say "merry Christmas" or "happy holidays?" The former. Who do you talk to on the phone most often? Mom. What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to? I've only ever been to Alice Cooper, but it was great. I'm supposed to be seeing Ozzy plus supposedly Judas Priest and Megadeth (you're not allowed to die, Dave) next year, and that. That will be. My preview into Heaven. I will sob. How did you meet your best friend? Over YouTube via the meerkat RP community. Do you need money to be happy? Try living really poor and come back to me claiming money can't ever buy happiness. What is something you do well? Dig way, way too deep into absolutely anything and everything. What’s a good idea you’ve had recently? I've started to count calories on top of fasting. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Ahhhhh, cinnamon rolls. How far in advance do you prefer to plan? For most things, a few days or a week. Bigger things, maybe like a month+? How many slices of pizza do you usually eat? 2-3, depending on my appetite. Would you like to live in a different country? If so which one? I wouldn't move there, not with all my family and such here, but I think living in Canada would be better sometimes. Do you prefer the aisle, middle, or window seat on a plane? I strongly prefer the window seat; I've found that if I'm not looking out the window and the plane changes altitude or direction (takeoff is the worst), I get VERY dizzy. I usually always wind up in the middle seat, and there and in the aisle seat, I have to close my eyes at times like those. What’s your favorite song from a movie? As far as original songs, probably "Be Prepared" from The Lion King. A goddamn beat. What’s your favorite city? I haven't been to many. Idk. Who was the last person to ask you to hang out? Did you agree to hang out with them? Hell, I have no idea. Is there a food that you eat basically every day? What food is that? I usually have a granola bar as a snack or even just a meal in place of breakfast or lunch. Is there a food you eat that others find weird or gross? I grew up sometimes eating waffles with peanut butter and syrup as Dad loved it. It's definitely different, but it's absolutely delicious. What was the last fast food restaurant you went to? Did you get anything? If so, what? I think Sonic? I got a double bacon cheeseburger. I fell in love with their burgers. Can you remember the first video game you ever played? What about your first video gaming system? I'm not sure, but it was probably Spyro The Dragon. My first gaming system was a PS1. The last video game you played - did you play alone or with someone else? Alone. If there is a disc in your computer, what disc is it? There isn't one. Do you shut down your computer every time after you use it, or do you leave it on? I leave it on. Do you know anyone who has ever been in a movie? Who and what movie were they in? What was their part? No. Describe the last shirt you saw that you really liked. Where did you see it? Omg I saw this shirt online of a really cool demonic pig that said something like "Save the animals, eat humans." It was actually a vegan shirt, but I nevertheless wanted it, lol. I support veganism, but yeah... I could never do it. But anyway, it was too expensive. Do you live in a very diverse community? Not really, no. Do you know anyone who has had salmonella? Did you ever have it yourself? What about e-coli? No; no; no. When was the last time you brought a pet to the vet? What was wrong with it? Sigh. We put Cali down. Something ruptured in her abdomen and there was also a mass on her liver or gallbladder, and her abdomen was filling with blood. It compressed her lungs so much she could barely breathe. Surgery was extremely expensive, but more importantly, we were told it likely wouldn't save her. Do you get motion sick easily? If so, does it prevent you from going on any rides at amusement parks? I've never gotten motion sickness, but I don't risk that shit with amusement park rides or boats out at sea. I'm terrified of vomiting. Do you have any bug bites on you right now? If so, where? No. Have you ever made your way through a corn maze? No. Name something that you used to do with your family that you no longer do with them or at all? Easter egg painting. Have you seen Inception yet? Thoughts on that movie? I never saw it.